How to Get Away with Stuff #1 - Smoking Weed at Home

How to Get Away with Stuff #1 – Smoking Weed at Home

It’s a problem every weed smoker faces at some point throughout their life: Smoking weed at home without getting caught. It’s no simple task. I’ve smoked weed long enough to know how to get away with doing so in just about any given situation short of air travel, so I’ve decided to share my tips on successfully getting away with it at home.

Having never been caught with weed, by neither law enforcement nor parental authorities, I’d say I’m a reliable authority on the subject of smoking weed at home. It has nothing to do with luck; I’ve never been caught smoking weed because I follow a very rigid set of guidelines whenever I smoke weed which guarantee I won’t be caught.

Guidelines I feel are vital to be shared.

You are very lucky. You are about to read a blog post. The first in a line of a theme of blog posts. Blog posts that will collectively contain every bit of relevant information with regard to getting away with smoking weed, and more importantly, maintaining a clean record.

If you follow what I say, you will be able to smoke weed at home without getting caught by your parents. Having said that, nothing is foolproof. Don’t be a fool. Don’t take shortcuts. Hide your paraphernalia in one spot, and put it back when you’re done smoking.


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70 thoughts on “How to Get Away with Stuff #1 – Smoking Weed at Home”

  1. Hi, this is in effective way to smoke weed in your bathroom. But I used this method for about 5 months and in the end I got caught. If you use this method put a towel under the door and “never” ever take shortcuts as I did. Towards the end of the 5 months I got sloppy.Never smoke out of a rello always use a bowl never use paper if your not trying to get caught because the smell lingers longer. Light a candle, turn on the fan, open a window (unfortunately for me their is no window in my bathroom) but take any precautions to hide the smell. But any suggestions to where I should smoke now?

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  2. It’s a fantastic blog really and I’m not dissing it. However, finding myself in your position of not ever being caught; I would like to mention that this blog was really too over-cumbersome for what it really needed to be for this topic. This is what works for me without fail every time.

    You see, the reason you get caught is because the “authorities” can smell it everywhere – most times – after you smoke it right?. This is because the wind outside is more than likely catching the smoke and pushing it alongside the house until it re-enters another open window/door/crevasse, permeating your house with marijuana smoke (or smoke that has been “masked” which I would say is risky too) .

    So because wind direction can vary, you’d be an idiot to smoke it in the same spot every time because eventually, (more often than not) the wind will push that smoke right back through the house for everyone to cop wind of. You can try and mask the smell as above but if you’re like me and thinks this is too much effort and still risky, then simply check the Doppler wind radar to check the direction of wind flow, google map your address to gain an orientation of true-north, figure out which way the wind is blowing exactly, and simply head to whichever side of the house (outside) that will carry the smoke away from the house – easy.

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  3. I’m a new smoker, I’ve only smoked a couple times always with friends and in a car with windows down in discreet area or just outside where no one can see. But I’ve gotten to the point I want some for myself in my room just to chill by myself at night. I’m 16, a girl btw. My biggest problem was thinking of places to hide my stuff, aka weed lighter pipe ect. Any tips?

    And I like the toilet roll spoof idea with air wick to mask.

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    1. im 17 and a girl as well. Keep more than one hiding spot in mind at all times. If you noticed your closet has been re-arranged by a suspicious mom, move your shit, but don’t yell at her for invading your privacy, it will give her more reason to keep searching. If you have a cat or dog keep your stuff out of their line of scent, I know this from past mistakes. I too, have never been caught. I wouldn’t put it in a shoe or wrap it in an old t-shirt either. I keep mine in an old clutch hidden behind my sneakers and winter boots. Whatever you hide it in, make sure the item is NOT something that mom or your nosy sister will want to borrow without asking. Depending on if you read a lot, you could cut out pages of an old hardcover book and use that. I know its a little old-school spy-ish but it works. Same for an outlet. If you have an electrical outlet behind your bed (that no one would use) you can unscrew the plate that covers it, and push the wires and shit out of the way. This becomes problematic with fire hazards. lol. So thats usually not the best option. Hope this helps.

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    2. Hey, I’m a girl, too and I’ve found that good way of hiding your stuff is in a box of tampons. If you’re the only female in your house, even better. Get creative with how you use the box. Create a false top or just stick your stuff right under all the tampons. A box of pads does the trick as well.

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    3. Hi Lily,
      First of all, besides joints and blunts, a pipe is the worst thing to use for smoking discreetly, you will need a bong, or you can make one. They are super easy to make. Then wait for your parents to fall asleep, open your window. Then when you light the bowl of the bong, put a quarter on top to stop it from burning, thus making even more unnecessary odor. Then inhale and blow through a spoof (btw this guy spelled it wrong a spoof is something completely different lol). As long as you have the window open, due to the pressure difference, all the smoke and some left over odor will go out of the window. DO NOT USE ANY SPRAYS. Any parent would get suspicious if there child was spraying axe, febreeze, etc. in the middle of the night. The smell will go away in 5 minutes so you don’t have to worry.

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  4. Right on. These are exactly what I do too. The sploof made with dryer sheets are pretty effective in masking the smell, but smoke still does come out from it which can only mean that the smell can still be there. I recommend using a smokebuddy (there are like $15 at amazon). These grenade looking things works just like a sploof except that it also counters the smoke so it smoke doesn’t come out the other end in your exhale (I think they use some sort of carbon filters). They last for at least 2 months (smoking maybe 5-8 times a week) or couple thousand hits, but these guys are the real deal in the art of ninja smoking.

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  5. i always smoke I’m my shower, with the fan on. But my fan is in the shower, also having the window open and fan on during and a bit after also helps a lot.
    Incense also make a great coverup, some smell really strongly, and it make sense if somebody thinks it smells like something burning. My mother is a bloodhound and so far this has worked great. nock on wood.

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  6. As a massive pothead who has smoked probably thousands of times at home, it’s funny to see how many of these things I do myself ahah..smoking in your room is easy too, just set boundaries and let your
    Parents know they can’t just barge in.. I have been caught multiple times but never in the act of smoking.
    I just open both my windows, create a cell of moving air by placing my fan in one of the windows, towel the door and use the spoof.. The key is to keep the door closed and not tooce around too much, Allow the cell of air to suck out all the smoky air and make your room smell like the outdoors.. This way your room
    doesn’t suspiciously reek of airfreshners at 2am when ur higher than a motherfuka

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  7. Good tips! I should have used them yesterday though, because I got some G13 Haze and White Widow the other day, and it smells like straight skunk throughout the room, very strong. My mom went out, I took a few hits out of my one hitter and she came home, and complained about the smell as soon as she walked in, beat on my door and was PISSED, she searched my room, found my stash, and I haven’t talked to her since yesterday, haha. I still have some, she took away some because I was gonna save a little bit so I put it in a pill bottle and she found that and my pipe, which I loved dearly :’(.. Don’t smoke skunk weed at home.. It is never a good idea.

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  8. I guess I am one of those lucky ass fucks cause I been smoking weed since I was 12 and growing it too and my parents were all cool and all glad you shared it with us hell mom showed me how to grow good pot with hydroponics indoors as well as how not to crossbreed em… lol go figure.

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  9. I’m a Mom. Why don’t people just grow up and get a real life….make something of yourselves? Quit wasting your time and bran cells, people! You can have a better life. You can’t do this stupid stuff forever.

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    1. Well mom,

      If people such as yourself were a little more open-minded regarding this subject, then maybe these people wouldn’t feel the need to hide it from you when they are high. Maybe they could have a real life if you would just not judge them for including marijuana in it. To tell another to “make something of one’s self” is an arrogant hypocrisy. You are a speck, living on a slightly bigger speck, are you not? I know I can have a better life. Marijuana makes it better. Here, try some!

      Like

  10. Blunt Magic – it’s new. All natural blunt spray safe enough to drink or smoke. Rather than spraying after you smoke, you spray on your product, wait for it to dry, then smoke it with no smoke smell left in the room, your car, or your clothes. Essentially undetectable. People use it to smoke in public all the time.

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  11. It’s crazy lol I follow this almost completely except if you have an exhaust fan in your bathroom you can just stand on the toilet and hold the piece up by it if its trailing smoke and exhale into it and no smoke escapes

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  12. If you get a portable vape like a launch box you can get ripped in the bathroom and not even worry about smell…I had a vapor bros and used it in my garage all the time with no ventilation and nobody suspected anything. It was sick but I forgot to hide it one time after getting extremely high so it got confiscated by my parents and I’m in deep shit right now. Bottom line though vapes if used properly smell really similar to popcorn and for only like 20 minutes so if you are up late by yourself you don’t even have to worry about the smell. Just throw some Oroville Redenbachers in the nuker and get lifted. That way you have a delicious treat to inhale after your body is pumped full of thc. And don’t believe people who say vapes don’t get you as high and blah blah blah. I tripped balls using my vapor bros and a comically small amount of weed. I don’t have a crazy tolerance I smoke like once a day but with that thing like .2 just gets you so freaking high and your lungs feel nice and pink and clean inside.

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  13. Don’t forget you can make a traditional grav out of a smaller bottle (plastic water bottle) and plunge it in the BACK of a toilet. Don’t forget the back of a toilet is the clean water tank, and it’s conveniently in the bathroom!

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  14. my mom doesnt have dryer sheets she uses a bar now and she caught me smoking out my window how do i smoke without smell all i have are joints bc shetook all my bongs and bowls please help!

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  15. this is gonna help me so much. i just recently started smoking in my room out my window without a care in the world because my mom would never expect me to smoke, but i got caught and now im too paranoid to enjoy smoking in my room. Im confused with making the gravity bong though, but ill get a friend to help me out. thank you dearly! :)

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    1. I mean shit, you talking about high school? That’s some ballsy shit, I’d recommend not bringing it so school, but if you’re going to anyway, you’ll need two ziplock bags (one bigger than the other) and some dryer sheets. Put the bowl in the smaller ziplock bag, and put like 10-15 dryer sheets in the bigger one. Store the bag with the bowl in the bag with the dryer sheets and there’s no way the smell will escape.

      If you’re planning on smoking at school as well, you might as well throw the inner piece of a toilette paper roll in there as well. That way when you use it you can just take a few of the dryer sheets and make a quick spoof.

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  16. Yes, the spoof does work, it’s all I use now. I recommend using the longer spoofs you can take from the paper towel rolls… The key is to pack a bowl good enough to where you don’t allow any smoke to trail, and that is all controlled by lung power. The towel under the door does work, but if you live in a house like I do that has central air, then smoking has to be very precise and timing has to be selective. One key element that I do add is to have a stand up electric fan, I place 2 sheets of fabric softener directly on the back part of the fan and the fragrance will flow into the fan covering the room better than that Febreeze spray, I think. But like most said already, use the spoof with a lot of fabric softener sheets and blow the smoke out the window, or smoke outside or in the car.

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  17. I usually don’t comment on stuff like this but I had to because I do the same exct thing, every fuckin step. And th gravity bong everyone gets you high af with lil weed at all!

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  18. Here’s my bathroom method. The materials was my glass bong, weed, sploof, cheap gas station spray, portable fan and that switch next to the light switch that seems to absorb any odor in the bathroom. Turn the shower on, throw towels and my clothes under the door. Then I turned that switch on along with my fan. Packed my bong bowl, sat on the toilet and toked. Can’t torch it but make sure to suck until the fire goes out in the bowl. Clear it and exhale through the sploof in the direction of the fan that pointed towards the vent. Repeat until you get high. Put your shit away, spray once (those gas station sprays may seem cheap but they are truly effective) into the fan so it distributes. Take a shit. Take a shower. Then shave, brush teeth or whatever to let the vent absorb as much of whatever odor is left as it can before opening the door and turning everything off. Never got caught once and I shared a bathroom with my nosy ass little sister who sometimes when in the bathroom right after me. I’m so scared for college though. Even after reading your article lol

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    1. blow the smoke directly into the bathroom vent fan on the celling if you cant reach it blow through a long cardboard tube from a paper towel roll into the fan so all the smoke goes into the fan aslo turn the shower on as hot as it goes and the steem will help with the smell and spray some shit and drank something so your breath wont smell, stay in there for about 10 to 15 min after smoking or just take a shower

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  19. Ive been smoking for a while now and sadly i have been caught up by mom like 3 times sucks ass but i dont care. I use to toke in my room before going to bed because you know marijuana is the perfect sleeping aid <3 anyways it wasnt that hard for me to smoke in my room because i would just open the window and put a towel under the door, light a candle or spray febreeze after. the only reason one of the times i got caught was because the stupid lighter made that noise it makes when you spark it and i guess my mom heard it and now assumes i smoke crack, stupid right? Ive stopped smoking inside the house and now only do it when my parents are out. I just go to the back yard or porch and smoke and enjoy life :)) but yeah if only there was a way to shut the lighter up! Haha i would try matches but it smells too much like smoke afterwards. Any advice on how to spark up silently?

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  20. I have always smoked in the bathroom using a joint and what i do is i exhale the smoke out thru da window and use a room freshner. Also i wet some towels and spray them with deodorants and keep them in the bathroom. Its an excellent way of masking any remaining weedy odour. For red eyes i use an eyedrop(ranbaxy i-cul).

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  21. what if i was going to take my items to go like a smelly pipe and i my mom is taking me to a friends house and i am taking my herbs and pipe how would i hide the smell. thank you

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    1. Good question. Dryer sheets are quite pungent, so they can be reused a good number of times. After a few uses, if you look into the spoof at the dryer sheets, you’ll see a stain begin to build up on them where the smoke filters through. This is a good way to know when to make a new one – when the dryer sheets become totally discolored you should definitely make a new one. I’d say the typical spoof can hold up to anywhere between roughly 25-50 uses.

      Here’s another tip: try smoking where you normally do using the spoof. Afterward, leave the room for about a minute and return – this should allow you to gauge how well the spoof is working.

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    1. Paranoia is natural – without it I never would’ve thought of all these things!

      Thanks for the comment, its been quite some time since I wrote this. It’s always nice to see how much shittier of a writer I was back then. :P

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  22. I used to smoke in my bathroom. Untill I found a different way. What I do:
    Load a bowl at night after my brothers and mom have gone to bed. I sit in the bathroom while loading, just in case my mom has to get up and tell me something in the middle of the night (crazy, but it’s actually happened to me once. Lucky for me, it was almost mother’s day, so I quickly slipped it under the covers and told her I was working on her present so she can’t see it (I really do make/buy her presents)), so I can just sit in the bathroom with the door locked and load it with care untill it’s done. Then, when my mom goes to work and my brothers to school and daycare, I go sit out on my porch (front or back, depending on whatever), and toke up freely. No extra effort or crazy febreeze shit that’ll make me smell like febreeze for the rest of the day (paranoia).

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  23. i’am a big time pothead.. my aunt caught me smoking so i have to be a bit more spy like and this helped a lot… i was smoking in my room and it was stating to smell like a bud plant

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  24. Dude, this is the funniest post I have seen in a long time! Now I can try to catch my sneaky 13 yr old smokin dope in the house. I know that little fucker is up to it, just haven’t found out how yet. I’m now all over it!!

    Parties over son.

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      1. Agreed, personally I think that teenagers (13-16 whatever) smoking weed is completely fine, as long as it does not affect their educational side. That’s when it becomes a real problem. Let the kid do what we all have done and ended fine of.

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  25. INGENIOUS! As somebody who * knock on wood * doesn’t get caught either, I didn’t expect this to provide me with any new information, but I honest to God * never thought to smoke in the bathroom. * My roommate does it in college all the time, but I never thought to do it at home! Although you forgot to mention laying a damp towel underneath the door, to contain things until you can make sure the smell has dispersed. Well done, sir.

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    1. I’m sure you’ll still be alive and kicking long after your 70′s :)

      And my kid’s aren’t going to have a chance in hell when it comes to getting away with anything. You can’t fool the master. :P

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