My First Marijuana Experience as a Teenager
Answer: Not for a high teenager there isn’t. I suppose that’s why no one ever forgets their first weed experience. But for all the rest of us, pretty much every combination of any other two things in the world is better than youth + marijuana. Teenagers totally can’t handle their weed.
The best part about teen marijuana use are those awesome fucking anti-marijuana ad campaigns it comes with. They are the only commercials on Comedy Central that make me laugh harder than the shows. What’s more is I can rest easy knowing they’re completely ineffective at decreasing marijuana use among teens, so they’ll never stop producing new ones!
But I digress.
So, my first experience with weed was pretty fun, although I should note I had tried marijuana before this, this was the first time I knew I was high. And there are psychological studies that support the theory that some people don’t get high the first few times they experiment with weed. I think.
So I should probably just stop wasting my time writing this introduction and present the fucking post.
The names have been changed to protect the guilty. By the way.
First Weed Experience
It all started when I got to my friend Matt’s house. We were sixteen at the time and just got our licenses. Matt and I have been best friends since we were super young, and recently each found out that the other tried marijuana a couple times. I get up to his room and right when I walk in he asks:
Heyy man, do you wanna smoke some weed tonight?
To which I responded affirmatively.
His plan was to head over to his sister’s apartment, where she would smoke us up before selling us some. We decided to wait for our Asian friend, Scott, to come over and left in his car when he arrived.
You heard right. We got in a car an Asian was driving.
We get to her house, and we smoke out of a bubbler. Definitely by far the most chronic weed I had ever smoked by this point in my life. So it goes without saying that as we were leaving, I was the highest I had ever been.
So as we walk out the door, tripping over ourselves, we make it to the car. I’m in the back seat behind Matt, who’s riding shotgun. As Scott begins to back out of the parking space, I begin to perceive us as moving about 45 mph. This frightened me enough to yell:
“SCOTT, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!”
At which point Matt and Scott’s responses were something along the lines of “wtf, man?”
…Which was when I realized he was backing out at about 0.5 mph. I felt stupid.
By the time we get on the road, I’m repressing the urge to yell at Scott every second we continue, as by this point we really are traveling at about 45 mph and it feels like about 450 mph. Plus Scott is Asian.
I found that putting my head in my lap, in a fetal position of sorts, worked the best to calm me.
It doesn’t take long before the munchies strike, and so we decide to stop at the Sonic up ahead. We pull up and go to the drive thru, at which point they ask us for our order.
Scott: “Yeah I’ll have uhhh…”
Matt: “CAN I HAVE YOUR TOTS?!?!”
Sonic Worker: Excuse me sir?
Scott: “(Matt shut UP!) Umm, yeah sorry about tha…”
Matt: “THE TOTS!!! CAN I HAVE THE TATER TOTS?!?!”
Me: Dude! Quit it with the TOTS!!!
Scott: (Uncontrollable laughter)
Matt: “CAN I…(giggle)… CAN I HAVE A BIG CUP OF AIDS?!?!”
Sonic Worker: Sir I don’t find that very funny.
Me: Dude! She doesn’t find that very funny, man! Shut up!
Sonic Manager: “Stop harassing my employees and get off this property before I call the cops!”
Me: Shit dude! SCOTT, DRIVE!
Scott floors it and initially heads straight for the exit, as it’s right in front of you when you drive from the drive-thru. But, being Asian, naturally he somehow managed to be confused by the exit situation and ends up accidentally doing a quick lap around Sonic before exiting, as the Sonic workers watched on perplexed.
Once Scott’s Asian ass manages to find his way to the road, we end up at a stoplight. We were in the far right lane of three lanes. I looked ahead and noticed that our lane ends between the light we’re at now and the next one. But at the time there was construction on the road, so they had a diagonal line of orange traffic barrels across the lane to indicate to drivers to merge left.
By this point, I had been freaking out often during the drive over little things, so I didn’t want to mention to Scott that the lane ends up ahead out of fear that he would accuse me of backseat driving. I put my head back between my legs in fetal position, figuring he’d be able to merge effectively.
After the light turns green and we start moving again, I become lost in a thought with my head in my lap. So about 8-10 seconds after the light, I decide to look up.
What I see is Matt in the passenger seat doing the robot to a song that was playing, and Scott in the drivers seat looking directly to the right at Matt’s robot dance, cracking up. The other thing I saw was a traffic barrel about 15 feet in front of us.
15 feet in front of us at the exact moment I looked up; we were traveling about 40-45 mph, so by the time I managed to scream “SCOTT!!! MERGE!!!” it was about 7 feet in front of us. I imagine by the time Scott applied the breaks it was about 1 foot in front of us. It was raining, by the way.
So we slam into the traffic barrel, hit it into another traffic barrel which then got knocked out into the middle of the lane we were supposed to merge into, directly in front of another car, which struck it into the middle of the intersection ahead.
At this point I’m yelling at Scott to get the fuck out of the area. Which we do. We manage to make it to a McDonald’s where we got some much needed food.
By the time we got back on the road Scott was done eating and ready for the next step of our vehicular trip; interstate driving.
Granted, the stretch of i95 he had to traverse was about three miles long, it was an intimidating prospect nonetheless.
Immediately upon entering the on-ramp, Scott finds a way to time his merge so that we come up right next to a large bus. Under the influence of marijuana, and Asian genetics, he struggles to figure out exactly what to do as the end of the merging lane approaches, clearly having trouble deciding whether to speed up and merge in front of it or slow down and merge behind it.
He decided on the more dangerous one about .0001 seconds before it was too late and ends up nearly rear-ending a Volkswagen Beetle that was in front of the bus.
Matt and I freaking out at this point, instruct Scott to get behind the bus and just follow it until we got off i95.
As he pulls over to the middle lane to slow down and let the bus get in front of us, I notice that the car in front of us was not a Beetle at all, but rather some other new style of Volkswagen that looks just like a Beetle from behind, but more like a sports car from the front.
This troubled me thoroughly. I was not aware Volkswagen had a model such as that by this point in my life. I did not like the evil Beetle transformer impostor.
By the time we got in front of the bus, we were calming down a little.
Until all of a sudden, the charter bus we decided was so safe to get behind of starts acting erratically. All of a sudden it would just be driving straight in the right lane. Then it would swerve quickly to halfway over the middle lane. Then back. Then all the way to the middle lane. Then back. Then a little swerve the the left and back. This went on till we exited.
What’s worse is every time this bus swerved, it would reveal to my eyes the evil impostor Volkswagen.
Stuff like this never happens when you’re sober.
Finally we get off the exit and make our way back to Matt’s neighborhood. Once there, in an apparent last ditch effort to give us further reason to make fun of his driving, Scott stops the car in the middle of the road. No intersection or anything. Matt and I, perplexed as to why he stopped, look over at Scott, who was staring in awe at a mini stop sign that’s meant for the bike path parallel to the road and says,
Dude, that’s the smallest fuckin’ stop sign I’ve ever seen in my life.
We went back to Matt’s house and have been potheads ever since.
11 Responses to “My First Marijuana Experience as a Teenager”
I just had my first weed experience a few days ago, even though I had already smoked a few times during parties and stuff but this was the first time I REALLY got high and it was the most interesting experience of my life, I couldn’t stop thinking about it since. So I decided to do some researches on Google to get some scientific information about how marijuana affects the brain and stuff and I end up on this page. The funniest thing ever! The Sonic part was hilarious.
This is literally the best weed story I have ever heard xD Laughed the whole time reading it.
When you mentioned that stuff like this never happens when your sober is so true. I remember thinking the same thing one day.
THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME HAHAHAH. i love pot <3
Believe me, everyone I’ve ever told that my sister introduced me to pot freaked out because she’s younger than me. Haha. But I think that’s the way it should be.
I’ve thought about starting a blog, except i don’t know who my audience would be.
I’m not sure how I would hide the things I write from “future employers”. I mean I’m sure a fake email associated with a wordpress would be sufficient, but I wouldn’t put it past anyone to dig a little deeper.
My introverted, anti-society attitude tellsme that no would would want to read something I wrote unless they “stumbled upon” it. It seems to me all the best knowledge anyone can find is always “stumbled upon”. Especially when you come to some epiphany of how one little thing you just found relates to everything else as a whole in a BIG way.
My logic tells me the chances of someone finding my blog, by stumbling upon it, are slim to none. Much less anyone taking the messages I want to convey to heart after finding them.
But then I said what the hell and made one anyway.
unitedconscious.wordpress.com
I’ll see what I can come up with. Thanks for the inspiration, haha.
cool cool, I mean I definitely have had like at least two blogs in the past that I tried to start and never took off. I think it’s harder when you’re in high school because you don’t have too many experiences to draw from.
I started this one basically for people like you… I thought back to all the stuff about weed I used to try to find answers to online and I never could, so I figured I’d start a blog that’s more or less about how I get through life as a stoner haha.
Thanks for reading, I’ll keep an eye on your new blog. You should tell your stoner friends about me too by the way. :P
Oh, and about future employment, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I figure if it really becomes a problem I can just take this blog down for a little while, but I’m not expecting it to be a problem.
So this morning I get to school and I start googling “How to get away with sleeping in class” but of course halfway through typing “how to get away with” Google gives me a friendly suggestion of “How to get away with smoking weed”.
And of course, I’ve been smoking for almost 2 years and I feel like there couldn’t possibly be anything I didn’t already know from the natural course potheadism takes you down. But I thought, what the hell, I’m stoned at school and I’d rather do something productive than learn how to get away with sleeping. So I clicked the friendly suggestion and next thing I know I’m reading everything on this blog. It’s strange how shit like that happens ALL THE TIME. But anyway it inspired me, so I’ll share my own experience:
First time experiences are always fun to read (and listen to), because they are always so different, yet they always set me to reflect the first time I smoked and I’ve never actually written a reflection so i suppose this is just as good a time and place. I try not to advertise my potheadism, but this is a special occasion because I know the experience will be taken for an experience and not a hasty judgement of a pothead like what would happen if I posted such a thing on facebook.
Why is it that sisters are always the gateways to first marijuana experiences these days?
So it was July 4th, 2009, and I was at a July 4th festival downtown with my dad and my sister. I was primarily hanging out with my little sister, walking around the festival, while my dad was scoping out a spot to set down all of our stuff to watch fireworks that would start later.
I was 17 at the time and my sister was 14, she had been smoking weed since she was 12, even being expelled from middle school in the 7th grade for getting caught with a roach in her shoe. She already had a sort of pothead mentality, and with that comes a great deal of maturity depending on the situation. I on the other hand had only smoked my first cigarette in my entire life about a week before this festival, and got drunk for the first time only about a month before the festival. This summer, if any summer, was obviously the gateway to where I am presently.
But anyway, me and my sister sat down at a bench because it was hot outside and we were tired of walking around sweating and we had been discussing the observations we were making about the random people walking around the festival when she began talking about weed. She was saying she could totally see me as a badass smart pothead making all kinds of contraptions and doing funny shit. I had no idea how accurate her predictions would actually become, to say the least.
Then she asked me if I wanted to smoke, and hesitant at the time I told her no because I was already thinking about it. I had remembered that the girlfriend I had didn’t like the idea of her boyfriends smoking, so I was really only conforming to her standards because I was a pussy. But as the day progressed I kept thinking about what my sister had said and the idea of trying weed that night for the first time was becoming more and more attractive, regardless of the implications it might have on my relationship at the time.
After the fireworks were over and the festival was wrapped up, me and my sister rode with my dad to one of his AA meetings he normally goes to. When we got there I realized I was going to be bored for an hour waiting for my dad’s boring ass AA meeting to end before I got home, and it wasn’t 2 minutes from arriving at the meeting that I decided I was determined to smoke some weed that night.
So, I told my sister, and man I’ve never seen her get so happy in her life. But we realized how close my dad’s meeting was to my grandma’s house (which is where my sister went to smoke normally, because while my dad was an ex-pothead himself, he’s against getting busted these days), and we decided to walk there.
It was about 10:00PM once we got there my sister told me to sit down in the recliner, so I did, and all of the sudden I started getting nervous. I knew I was about to do something I wasn’t supposed to, and I was excited. My grandma and mom were also there, but my sister was primarily taking responsibility for my wellbeing and my mom and grandma were both excited because I was about to smoke for the first time and they thought it was like a dream come true or something; because I had been against drugs completely up until this point.
But then my sister broke out the tray, and the weed, and the glass pipe. Now, at this point I had no idea how to hit a pipe, had no idea what a carb was or how to even light a bowl. So, intimidated, I asked my sister to light it for me and carb it for me. The first few hits burned like a motherfucker and my sister explained I was hitting waaay too hard. And in retrospect I’m surprised I didn’t die because I was sucking pretty much pure ashes/butane and no smoke, EW. But, I was thinking that’s how weed was supposed to be, and of course I wasn’t getting high because everyone has their own pipe technique and my sister was trying to use hers on me, and only you yourself can know how to take a good hit that caters to YOU.
She gave up on the pipe because it was proving to be too difficult for me and decided to get my grandma to roll a joint.
The joint worked.
I remember coughing a whole lot every hit and taking note of the amazing smell engulfing the room and the taste it was leaving on my lips. My mom and sister were telling me they really fucked me over because it was really really good weed. And they were right.
It didn’t hit me until about 15 minutes after we put out the joint, or so it seemed. I was sitting in a chair and it started creeping up on me and I just started getting all kinds of giggly feelings, pulling on my brain from the inside. Before long I couldn’t stop laughing because I felt like I was being shammied at a car wash, and I was rolling around on the floor acting like a maniac because I couldn’t control the tickles AT ALL. My mom and grandma and sister were all freaking out about how crazy I was acting and it took almost an hour for the tickle feelings to reside and munchie feelings overwhelm them. I alerted my sister of my newfound hunger and she got a huge smile on her face and told me to hold on while she went to the kitchen.
My sister made me a huge bowl of cereal (like Ice Cream bucket size!) that, to this day, is still the best bowl of cereal I have ever eaten in my entire life, seriously. But then about about 1:00AM I remembered it was July 5th and I was supposed to leave for Warped Tour at 5:00AM.
Holy fuck. What have I done to myself?
But to make a long story short, I went to warped tour with no sleep and that lingering “afterglow” that weed doesn’t give me anymore unless I smoke a WHOLE lot.
But all-in-all, It was an amazing experience and I’d say probably the defining turning point in my life when I realized I need to stop living the bullshit everyone was forcing into me and think for myself.
My sister was right, I became a professional pothead, I’ve made all kinds of unthinkable contraptions, I’ve pushed my ingenuity to limits, but more importantly I gained more knowledge than had ever been exposed to me before.
My entry into the world of marijuana became to help me see the world for what it really is, to me it’s always been more than just a buzz. It’s something I feel I was just meant to do, If my body has cannabinoid receptors, then by-golly why not feed them their spiritual vitamins.
haha! awesome story man. you should start your own blog lol
I’ve definitely never heard of someone being introduced to pot by their little sister, that’s pretty awesome lol
Blog about weed….hmmm.. I see you cultivated quite a garden..
spread the humor; charlywalker.wordpress.com
Hey, thanks for stopping by. I always enjoy finding new humor blogs. Yours is quite funny from what I’ve read so far.
Omg. I died during the Sonic scene. I feel the same way about those tots. ;)
Haha yeah I’m pretty sure he didn’t even want tots, I’m pretty sure Napoleon Dynamite had just been released at that point, it was a while ago.