Ugh, sometimes I hate college.
Today I woke up, stumbled to the sink in my room to brush my teeth, opened the medicine cabinet AND OUT CRAWLED A BIG-ASS MOTHA FUCKIN COCKROACH!
I must say, however, it’s a fantastic way to get your blood pumpin’ in the morning.
Especially if you’re like me and insects of all sorts freak you the fuck out.
Do you people get what they are? Insects, especially cockroaches, are basically fucking aliens, except the planet they evolved on was Earth during a totally separate time period as us. Earth was so different when they evolved, it might as well have been an alien planet. They are not suited for our comfortable lifestyle.
Anyways, back to the issue at hand. It’s like the fourth time I’ve encountered a cockroach within a single minute of waking up, just a few days prior I opened my door and a little bastard ran in right past my feet. I did what any self-respecting man would do: I danced up and down on my tipi-toes like some old western douchebag was shootin at my feet… and yelped.
So, I’m not sure if I keep seeing the same little bastard or if there’s a bunch of little bastards. But this I do know: They’re smart little bastards and are aware of when I sleep and when I wake, because I never see them except for in the morning when I wake up, then they run away to some little hiding place and I never see them again.
They’re plotting our downfall from within the confines of our very own homes. And we’re just sitting by, clueless to the impending take-over of the human race by our insectual rivals.
I must implore you all take necessary measures to ensure that your house is rid of all these evil cockroach fiends, so that our society may be free once more from the threat of dictatorial insectual rule.
In the mean time, I’m gonna keep using them to help me wake up.