I experienced the most terrifying and profound drug trip of my life recently.
Yes, the following article is, in part, my experience of tripping on the hallucinogenic drug DMT; but I promise it’s not an obnoxious recount of how silly it made me and my friends act, or anything of that vein.
DMT, short for dimethyltryptamine (pronounced die-meth-ill-trip-ta-mean), is a chemical substance found in an enormous variety of plants. DMT is conjectured to be produced by the pineal gland of mammalian brains. When smoked, DMT is perhaps the most powerful hallucinogen known to man - a statement about which I was skeptical only until I smoked it.
I need to pause here. I linked the word ‘conjectured’ above to an article that questions whether the brain’s pineal gland truly produces DMT. The majority of what’s known about DMT was discovered by Dr. Rick Strausman, and expounded upon by him with clarity in DMT: The Spirit Molecule (not to be confused with the documentary by the same name). Much of that is conjecture. Conjecture reached through careful scientific inferences, but conjecture nonetheless.
For example: Though it’s been proven that humans naturally produce endogenous DMT, there isn’t any direct scientific evidence that indicates the pineal gland plays a roll in its biosynthesis. In fact, science has yet to demonstrate that the human brain has anything to do with the production of DMT. However, studies have shown that other mammalian brains (e.g. lab rats’ brains) produce DMT, so it may be conjectured (given that we know DMT is produced somewhere in the human body) that DMT biosynthesis occurs in human brains as well. From there, we may conjecture that it originates in the pineal gland because, on the molecular level, DMT is analogous in structure to other neurotransmitters such as serotonin and melatonin, both of which are produced by our pineal gland.
I say this for the sake of not having to use the word ‘conjecture’ every other sentence during this article, but also because – as much as I hate to admit it – much of what I’m about to say lacks scientific verification. When it comes down to it, that’s only because DMT is extremely illegal and the government doesn’t want you to know about it. Fuckin’ government, right? Regardless, given my immense respect for science, I feel implored to make bleedingly clear that this is a recount of my subjective DMT trip. Having said that, part of any subjective experience involves the subject’s beliefs. So just keep in mind that I’m the subject, and I believe some stuff about DMT that isn’t scientifically verified.
You’ll understand in a moment why all this matters.
The Mysteries of DMT
My initial interest in DMT was sparked by both its powerful nature and its connection to dreaming. Why did our species evolve in such a way? We know the purpose of structurally similar neurotransmitters; serotonin regulates our mood, while melatonin regulates our sleep cycle. So what does DMT regulate? What is it about the ability of our brains to excrete such a chemical that made our ancestors more apt in surviving and procreating than those born without it? The same can be asked of dreaming.
We all dream; which – if you so happen to subscribe to the radical theory of evolution – means that dreaming must contribute some sort of benefit to a species’ ability to survive on Earth. It can’t be coincidental that those ancestors of ours who dreamt just happened to out-live and out-fuck those who didn’t. In the very least, something about dreaming must fuel our desire to live and fuck, if not our ability. And without DMT, we wouldn’t dream.
There’s a lot of good theories surrounding DMT. I won’t delve into them, but the main hypothesis of Dr. Strausman’s work is that DMT explains the phenomena of near death experience. In other words, that your brain releases a surge of DMT at the onset of death. Almost as though it’s a necessary component of reaching the afterlife. I mean, were an afterlife – or spiritual realm – to indeed exist, must there not also exist some sort of physical attribute within us with which we connect to it? Wouldn’t there need to be a real, feasible link between us and the afterlife? Perhaps this peculiar neurotransmitter is that link.
But I digress. For further info, please consult Mr. Joe Rogan. (Yes, the Fear Factor guy).
I suggest you actually give it a listen, it’s quite interesting. Besides, Joe Rogan is a funny fucker.
I’ve been aware of DMT for some time, but was never interested in it enough to read about people’s experiences. Besides, I’ve always been the kind of drug user who likes to go into the experience with no preconceptions of its effects – a factor that turned out to be important with regard to DMT.
Other than doing research to ensure it wouldn’t kill me or make me [more] insane, Mr. Rogan’s experience was the only one I heard prior to mine, and he’s known to exaggerate. Upon listening to the above YouTube video, I made the decision that if I ever had the opportunity to do DMT – in a safe, friendly environment of course – I would jump at the chance.
That chance presented itself about a month ago. Two of my close friends joined me. We decided to do it one after another as the effects, while extremely intense, only last about 15-20 minutes. I went third.
The friend who provided the DMT, whom I’ll refer to as Alec, said he was giving us a heavy dose. The term he used was “double-hit.” This intimidated me as I assumed (and have since confirmed) that each hit was about twice the amount users typically smoke to reach DMT’s full effects. DMT synthesized for recreational use typically (or perhaps exclusively for all I know) comes in one of two forms: an opaque crystalline powder or a fine yellowish-white powder. I don’t know anything about how either are synthesized, or even if one is more effective. All I know is Alec had both forms, and mixed them together before divvying it all up three ways.
Alec was the only one of us who had experience with a DMT trip. My other friend, Jay, and I stared as he set fire to his hit – a futile attempt to assess its effects by merely studying his reaction. After taking the hit, he sat back, closed his eyes and remained silent and relatively motionless for about fifteen minutes. Upon coming down, his only response to our hasty inquiries was, “I partied with the gods.”
“Whatever the fuck that means,” I thought to myself, impetuous to the anticipation.
Jay went next and had a similar outward physical reaction. He seemed to enjoy it.
Uninterested in his vague recount of the experience, I hurried Alec to ready my hit.
I must once again pause and preface the experience that followed with a few bits of relevant information (I promise there’s a method to my madness).
- I’m not a heavy drug user. I smoke an exorbitant amount of marijuana on a daily basis, yes; but the proverbial ‘gateway’ to the ‘heavy shit’ has always been narrow. Other than pot, I’ve done psilocybin mushrooms twice, LSD four times, and salvia divinorum three times. So I wasn’t entirely foreign to hallucinogens prior to DMT. However, none of them have really made me hallucinate. I’m a very rational person, and tend have a natural resistance to that aspect of hallucinogens. While I’ve had my visual world altered by them, I’d hardly call them hallucinations. They’re more like visual distortions, akin to that which can be applied to images in Photoshop. And I’ve always had control over them (e.g. “No, James, that salt-shaker isn’t really melting. You’re on acid, remember?”)
- While I was brought up Christian, I’ve been an atheist since eleven or twelve years of age. I remember seeing something on Discovery Channel about cults. The concept of cults scared me. Then I went to bed, woke up the next day, and went to church. I looked around at the adults, all fixated upon the man at the fore of the pews, repeating his words on cue with stout monotony. I was stricken with the realization that my family belonged to a cult. I’ve been an atheist ever since.
- The following recount of my experience with DMT is going to sound like some crazy, far-out shit. It is, but I promise you, none of it is exaggerated in the slightest. It is exactly what I remember happening. No more, no less.
The DMT Experience
The bowl packed, I pulled the hit (we used a gravity bong), repressed the urge to cough, and inhaled every bit. I held it in my lungs for about four or five seconds before slowly breathing it out.
Before I was even done exhaling, my world began to morph as I experienced an intense rushing sensation. The closest thing I can relate the initial sensation to is one of those launch roller-coasters that begins with an extreme boost of speed (rather than getting pulled up a long incline). It was hard to maintain awareness of my presence; it was as though my body became just another object in the room, disconnected from my soul or ego. It was weird, but I couldn’t spend much time dwelling on this feeling as the trip rapidly progressed. There was too much other stuff going on. This was about 5-10 seconds into the trip.
In an instant, every single visually-seperable item in the room had not only its own energy, but its own personality to go with it. Every object in my field of vision darted around, each distorting themselves in their own unique manner. Peering about, I realized that my friend’s apartment, the walls of which were laden with those trippy posters only stoners and base-heads buy, was a horrible place to do this drug. I looked at the monkey poster on the wall in front of me, dumbfounded by the vividness with which every detail became animated.
The top monkey holding the tap as brew gushed into the beer-bong, bopping his head in sync with the vibrations of his headphones, foam dripping everywhere. The middle monkey holding the beer bong with his left hand, spinning his right in a rhythmic manner, smiling in such a way that suggested his awareness of my disbelief. The bottom monkey taking the endless beer bong like a champ, the pupils of his bloodshot eyes spinning in opposite directions, the stars rotating around his head just like a cartoon.
Like I mentioned above, I had a simple method of overcoming hallucinations while on acid; I would just focus harder on it and remind myself I’m on acid, and the hallucination would return to its true form. That didn’t work here. No matter how hard I tried focusing on these hallucinations, on the fact they couldn’t be real, they didn’t stop. I just noticed more about them. What’s more, they seemed to scoff at my attempts to deny them as anything other than real. The whole thing was akin to the moving paintings that are all around Hogwarts in the Harry Potter films. Not only did the posters become completely animated, but the ones with human, or human-like, subjects objectively acknowledged my presence. It was fucking surreal, but nothing compared to what came next.
The imagery became dizzying. The rest of the room was moving in my peripheral vision with the same level of vividness as the monkeys. In anything woven, such as my jeans, the individual strains of fabric appeared to flow in and out of each other, as though my eyes were suddenly able to witness the elastic energy with which such fabrics keep their form. As this progressed, I became disturbed by separate hallucinations – that is, brighter, vibrant moving imagery formed separate from that which actually surrounded me. In other words, there were both hallucinations being formed from what I could really see, and hallucinations being formed from… Well, no where.
Deciphering what was real and not became impossible and made me uneasy. Regret toward having surrendered such control set in. Next thing I knew, the poster’s background engulfed the monkeys like a black hole, which immediately expanded into the entirety of my vision in a radial manner, forcing my eyes shut.
I should note, by this point I was maybe 15-25 seconds into the trip. It reaches its peak effects between one and two minutes.
The inside of my eyelids have always been a safe-haven during other psychedelic trips. Not this one. Hexagonal patterns – seemingly formed from phosphenes (the illusion of light/color you see when you close your eyes and rub them) – somehow formed within the confines of this familiar blackness. They flowed and pulsated with the flux of a river of molten lava. Describing them on paper is like describing the color purple to a blind person. It was like looking at an assortment of neon lights through a kaleidoscope, but more vibrant and with less rigid movements. There was a certain coherence to the whole experience. It seemed logical.
Rapid flashes of imagery overtook my consciousness, as though my life was flashing before my eyes. Faces and places… but it was more than just images. Emotions came and went with their respective images with the same intense frequency. While this was going on, I continued to feel as though I was being forced upward. I couldn’t help but feel the presence of someone – or something – else. Almost as though there was an intelligence to the patterns. Or something behind them.
It was all so foreign. What’s odd is my ego was still present – unimpaired. What I mean is, I didn’t feel intoxicated as I do whilst drunk. My reasoning ability was left untouched. I was still me, despite being thrust into what I could only rationally presume is the spirit world.
We’re approaching 45-50 seconds now.
The random flashes of imagery subsided to reveal a world taking shape. Depth was created in the blackness of my unopened eyes through the coordinated flow of vibrant, flashing, colorful hexagonal patterns; the floor discernible from the walls by differences in their patterns and direction of flow. Aware that my eyes were closed, I was stupefied by the structural complexity of what I was witnessing in the darkness of my head.
Then, they revealed themselves.
I must once again pause to note that the following is not exaggerated. It is what I actually saw. I’m not filling the voids of my recollection with imaginative details. I went into this experience with the intent of paying close attention to whatever happened. I don’t need made-up details, there was far more than I could have even absorbed.
The DMT Beings
Without warning, three glossy-black humanoid-like figures – lacking any skeletal structure – appeared. Their movements had a certain graceful yet mischievous flow. I don’t remember seeing where they came from, it was as though they traveled from the depths of the patterns to get to me. I had never seen nor conceived of such beings before. But there they were. They were entirely made up of a what can only be described as a black, viscous, malleable liquid. So vivid in every detail. So incredibly real. Impossibly real. Looking at me. Smiling.
Having seen a lot of random imagery thus far, I initially discarded them as just another fleeting hallucination. I opened my eyes, expecting to see some other random hallucinations upon closing them again. Instead, they – and the world I had just witnessed come to fore – remained.
In an instant, I forgot I put myself in this state. I was simply there, dealing with it. I didn’t have the capacity to consider maybe these were the “gods” Alec “partied with.” All that went out the window of thought. My astonishment was inescapable. As was my fear. Their movements were mischievous, and almost seemed choreographed. With their arrival came an unshakeable sense that I was somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be. They laughed in a very specific manner. Not in an evil manner. More like the way a friend might laugh at you; as though they knew this was my first experience with DMT, and found my reaction to it amusing. They made no noise, however. At no point did they speak. At the time this frustrated and frightened me further. I had no way to consider that perhaps verbal language wasn’t their mode of communication.
This is the part that was, without question, the most frightening experience of my life. I’m certain it’s the only time I experienced the emotion of terror. Pure terror.
I didn’t trust them. My first thought was that they were demons, which is why I was so scared. Had I found myself in their presence under different circumstances, I may have assumed they were aliens. They seemed to transcend the other hallucinogenic aspects of the drug. Acknowledging them as objective entities was foreign to my belief system, and something I struggled against – without success. Denying them as real, intelligent, discarnate entities would have been as possible as denying the existence of the laptop with which I’m writing this. They were there. And they sure as hell knew a lot more about what was going on than I did.
Despite their odd makeup, I couldn’t shake a feeling of familiarity. Only in their faces and hands, and in some ways, their movements. The rest of them was alien. This only worked to scare me more, as my ego darted through the implications of this familiarity. I remember feeling as though they were absorbing my thoughts and experiences. Like they knew me better than anyone from the real world ever could. I felt they were laughing at my imaginative attempts to figure out what or who they are. They don’t make sense in the context of our reality. Even before they appeared, I feared I was somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be. Out loud, I sought answers. “Umm, ahh. What the fucking…? Who…? are… is…? What are you guys? No… fucking… way… is this happening.”
They approached, dancing along the way. Tribal. Ritualistic. Those were the first two adjectives that popped in my head upon witnessing their movements. Everything about them was so fundamentally different from the other effects of the drug. The hexagonal patterns were just that; patterns. They were predictable. There was no trouble acknowledging they were just patterns I was seeing as a result of doing DMT. These beings, however, were just so real. It didn’t feel like the DMT was making me see them, but rather it was allowing them to show themselves to me.
They came up to my face and started to pull at me; much in the same way a child does when they want you to come play. Masters of non-verbal communication, I knew this was what they wanted before they started being so explicit about it. I tensed up, trying to deny them my acknowledgement of their existence. I could open my eyes, but when I did I still saw them. It was like when you look at an image on a computer screen before shutting your eyes and seeing the imprint it leaves, only the other way around. When I opened my eyes, their figures remained imprinted in my opened-eye vision. Disturbed by my inability to escape them, I freaked out.
“Oh God. Oh God. Oh God!” I exclaimed. Curious, considering my agnostic nature. Every muscle in my body tensed up, resisting them.
I could hear a voice. A real one. It was Alec.
“James, it’s okay. Let them take you. They’re cool.”
He knew what I was experiencing.
Instantly every muscle in my body relaxed as I let go of the physical strain with which I resisted them. When I closed my eyes again, they were directly upon me. At my feet. In my face. They looked as though their bodies were entirely made up of a simple thick, amorphous blob, which they could manipulate in any manner they pleased. This is an ancient pop-culture reference, but if you remember that Nickelodeon show from the 90′s called “The Secret World of Alex Mac,” it was like a thicker, black version of the liquid Alex Mac would turn into.
The extraordinary nature of this closed-eye hallucination was such that if my eyes peered left, I saw whatever was to my left (within the context of the closed-eye hallucination). If I wanted to see what was to the right of me, I would peer to the right. Everything about it came across as an objective world that exists regardless of my presence, as opposed to a hallucination that exists solely within my subjective perception.
Upon releasing all physical strain, I somehow managed to dispose of my fear. Not out of bravery, but curiosity. “Whatever these beings are, they’re not going away,” I thought, “But… What the hell are they?” I focused harder on them.
No longer intoxicated by fear, I could more clearly process what was going on. I was astonished to find that they were taking me, or my soul, into the light. Yes, the light. The one dying people talk of. Only it wasn’t actually a light, more like a portal, but somehow I knew what it was. I remember feeling that I should be scared, that maybe they’re gonna leave me up there. Or that perhaps the DMT had triggered some sort of seizure, and I was actually dying. However, evaluating my surroundings in the most rational manner possible seemed like a better option than freaking out again. I figured if I was indeed dying, this would be my only chance to witness death. I focused on breathing, reminding myself that the familiar sensation created by doing so indicates my well-being.
Once we arrived, their hands were feeling my face and my body. I focused most of my attention on the one in the middle, although by this point it appeared as though their bodies had molded into one. She looked eerily similar to the greek god Medusa. Only upon closer inspection, hair was comprised of tentacles (that she could control) rather than snakes. The other beings were of the same make-up, but for some reason, were less interesting to me. In addition to her hair, she had what appeared to be retractable tentacles protruding from the sides of her torso, which joined the hands in their physical inspection of me. The scariest part was I could feel them. I could feel them caressing my face and body. Each and every touch.
This turned into a very intimate dance; somewhat tribal. I know my ego was still fully present by how awkward I felt during this – as though I had been taken in by a Native American tribe, and they were blessing me with some ritualistic ceremony. By this point I was just focusing on remembering what was going on.
I should say, for the record, I do not have any kind of weird tentacle fetish, or fear of tentacles. Never have I had a traumatic run-in with an octopus or squid. There’s no event in my life that I can think of that would have caused me to see beings with retractable tentacles. They just had them. I remember at one point during the trip thinking to myself, “Tentacles? For real? Why fucking tentacles?”
After going through the light they tried communicating something to me. In retrospect, I realized they were trying to calm me down; basically trying to say “don’t give into astonishment.” As though there was something they wanted to show me, but I had to calm down before seeing it. I couldn’t help it though; I was simply astonished. Upon realizing I had indeed given into my astonishment, it was almost as though they went, “Oh well, might as well dance then.” I remember feeling awkward, I’m not the dancing type. But it was a familiar awkwardness. It felt just like when someone tries to make you get up and start dancing at a wedding when you don’t want to. I got the overwhelming sense that they cared for me dearly. Although I had no way of knowing why. It was weird.
During this time, I recall seeing another being. It was a masculine figure, more human-like than the other three, who stood in the right-hand corner. His arms folded, he seemed to be overseeing everything. I never interacted with him. I wasn’t as worried about him, as he wasn’t all up in my face.
The most surreal, and easiest to recollect, part of the whole experience was coming down. By this time, I had basically accepted to myself – without much thought – that these beings were indeed real. Coming down from a drug has never felt so literal. Rather than merely feeling the drug wear off, the beings literally brought me back down, waving their arms and tentacles mystically as they placed my soul back into my body. That’s exactly what it felt like, having my soul returned to my body; there’s simply no other way to describe it. After which, they just walked off nonchalantly. All of a sudden I was back in my body.
The visual distortions remained for about another five minutes as I grappled with what had just happened. I demanded answers from Alec, “What the FUCK were those things?”
“The gods, man,” he replied.
The Trans-Existent Realm
As we talked about our experiences, we found striking similarities in what we saw. Three black humanoid figures, seemingly made up of a viscous liquid. This was amazing to me, as it would support the hypothesis that DMT allows the user to access another plane of existence.
Being a devout rationalist, I discarded this as a possibility. Until the conversation continued. And Jay spoke the following words which shattered my grip on rationality.
“Did ya’ll notice a more human-looking figure, like, in the corner of the place they took you?”
My jaw dropped. No. Fucking. Possible. Way.
I no longer knew what to think. I still don’t.
Alec remembered seeing such a figure, and if you read my above account, you know I did too. How did we just happen to have such similar experiences?
Afterward, I scoured the internet for literature on DMT. I needed answers. What the fuck were those beings I saw? Spirits? Demons? Angels? It made me realize none of us even know what any of these things look like. If us three had the same trip – with the same beings – independent of each other, surely someone else has. And if that’s the case, they surely must have written about it. It’s quite lonely a feeling, actually; seeing something every fiber of your being knows was real, yet knowing it would sound insane to the rest of the world.
There’s not much literature online about DMT, at least compared to other drugs. Plus, I was really only concerned with finding that which dealt with the actual beings that I saw. I read through a lot of other people’s experiences, and the majority of them came across as somewhat similar to what my friends and I experienced; as though the subjects merely described the experience differently. After searching for a while, I only found two or three recounted experiences that described the beings I saw. The implications of this have left me dumbfounded.
Which is why I had to write this. I couldn’t have just experienced what I did on DMT and then go about my daily life as if nothing happened. Especially considering there is so little written of encounters with these DMT beings. My hope is this article will help those who encountered them recollect their experience better. I guess all I can do now is wait.
Moral of the story: do DMT. And then come back here and tell me what you saw. Also, if you enjoyed this read, please share this with as many people as you can! Kthxbai.
Be sure to check out these other great articles about DMT.
- (3/13/2012) Alec details his experience in the comment section below.
- (3/21/2012) I answer John Jr’s insightful questions regarding my experience.
- (1/23/2013) I share three great articles about DMT which have been published in the last year.
- DMT and the Pineal: Fact or Fiction?
by Jon Hanna – The essay I mentioned in the preface.
- DMT: The Spirit Molecule: A Doctor’s Revolutionary Research into the Biology of Near-Death and Mystical Experiences
by Rick Strausman
- Tryptamines, Beta-carbolines, and You
by J.C. Callaway
- Apparent Communication with Discarnate Entities Induced by Dimethyltryptamine
by Peter Meyer
- DMT: How & Why to Get Off
by Gracie and Zarkov Productions – Instructions on how to smoke DMT the proper way.
- Dimethyltryptamine (DMT)
by TylerHead from Cracked.com
- DMT is in your head, but it may be too weird for the psychedelic renaissance
by John Horgan from Scientific American
- The DMT Experience
by Gregg Prescott, M.S. from in5d.com
- Terence McKenna on the DMT Experience
by Greg Taylor from dailygrail.com
from Peace and Loveism
- Descriptions of the DMT Experience
from Tryptamine Palace
Other DMT Experiences
- DMT Experience: A Composite Essay
- My First, and Far from Last, Dimethyltryptamine Experience
posted at Drugs and Booze Forum by ProperPropaganda
- First time DMT experience report
- Erowid Experience Vaults: DMT
Database filled with submitted DMT experience reports by multiple authors
- Chemical Experiences of the Hyperspatial Nature
- The Poet Must Sing the Song of DMT
from The Spiral Unwinding
By far, the most substantial collection of intelligible DMT experience recounts on the web.
- DMT: The Spirit Molecule | The Documentary
Now on Netflix. Inspired by Dr. Rick Straussman’s work.
- DMT Wiki & Discussion
- Plants that Contain DMT
- Matt Sheehy’s deviantART page
The artist who created this piece