Urine Sample

How to Get Away with Stuff #3 – Passing a Urine Drug Test

So you need to pass a drug test? My condolences. But you’ve found the right article; this post is all about how to pass a urine drug test - also known as urinalysis.

Notwithstanding the circumstances that forced you into the all-too-common predicament of passing a urine drug test, and regardless of the illegal substances you’ve consumed throughout the adventure of life, there is always a way for anyone to pass a drug test. Having said that, the options available to drug users faced with the indignity of drug testing are numerous and varying.

Furthermore, the ideal option for any given individual facing a urine drug test depends on a litany of factors, ranging from how much prior notice you’re granted, to your Body Mass Index (BMI).

Below, I will lay these options out, and provide the information necessary for you to determine which course of action is best given the circumstances surrounding your drug test.

Assuming most who read this are indeed facing an impending urine drug test, please try and tolerate my stupid attempts at being funny. I’m aware that you’ve come across this article because you needed serious help – that your career and/or freedom is likely contingent upon passing your drug test – and therefore take very seriously the advice I give. Despite my self-indulgent writing style, I won’t stray from anything other than pure factual information on urine drug testing.

More by James Kalìwæ
Six Good Reasons I Smoke Weed
My Adderall Addiction and How I Quit
Why I Love Read Receipts
The DMT Experience

Moreover, I abhor the act of drug testing – as well as the frequency and manner with which it’s carried out in society – on a moral level. Because of the douche-bags in Congress, and their crusade against everything decent, the practice is becoming more deplorable, with a number of US states effectively mandating that grown-ass adults be drug tested by making the reception of welfare contingent upon a urine sample.

Bottom line, I feel very strong that drug testing is plain wrong in the vast majority of situations, and have a sincere desire to help those affected by drug tests to pass them.

The techniques I lay out on the following pages are guaranteed to yield a passing urine drug test result – it’s a matter of science. However, they are not fool-proof. Don’t be a fool. Don’t take shortcuts. These methods will work if followed correctly. All you have to do is correctly follow them. This is where you should stop skimming.

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217 thoughts on “How to Get Away with Stuff #3 – Passing a Urine Drug Test”

  1. Awesome article I’m at awe by the way you explained the necessary steps to pass a drug test!! By far the best way to gather information about my little dilemma. I have to summit a urine sample on the second of October last time I smoked was about three days ago I took two hits and before that was a week when I smoked a blunt about a gram little more maybe and one time before that on the fourth smoked ab out a half a gram. I was clean for a month before! I’m proud I went that long haha anyways I’m worried about my upcoming U.A because they will put me away and I would lose my job and don’t know how my wife could support our family because she would have to be home more due to the fact I watch our children at night. I’m 145 150 pounds I’m a butcher and moving around. What step should I take? Thank you this article made my day!!

  2. Hey man I have a quick question. My friend and I each hit a joint, 2 pulls each, today (myself for the first time him for the first time after five years). We have a drug test coming up for an NYC TLC license renewal on October 5 (today is the 21st of September). We both are overweight (he thirty pounds and myself seventy pounds) but we are fairly active individuals. Also neither of us really got high. What are our liabilities?

    1. Assuming you didn’t smoke in the month prior, and won’t smoke again before the 5th of October, I can say with absolute positivity that you’ll be clean by then. I’m not even so sure the test would pick up on the toxins that were left behind by the two hits you both took if you were tested today. Having said that, just to be safe, remain as active as you can and stay hydrated. But there’s no reason either of you should be sweating it on the 5th. Your body has plenty of time to get rid of the toxins before then.

  3. Okay I have a question…I’ve been clean from weed 3 months prior from my first smoke session which was around August 30 and my friend and I smoked a dime bag but didn’t use all of it..my next smoke session was two weeks after on Sept. 12 and three of my friends and I smoked 3 joints…I recently found out I have a drug test for my clinical in nursing school on Sept. 25 so about 2 weeks from my last smoke session…I’m 5’6 and 220 lbs (def. overweight)..I have been drinking a lot of water for a diet I have started and doing cardio at least 30 minutes a day…do you think I will be okay for the drug test without having to use masking agents, etc?

    1. Gah! Thanks for this question. I should have been way more explicit about this in the article.

      Sure-Jell is what you’re looking for here. Holy shit would you have to eat a lot of Jell-O and gummy bears to reach the desired effect. Sure-Jell is literally just unflavored Jell-O. It’s even made by Kraft. And you’re going to be mixing it with a lot more water than you normally would to make solid gelatin. Upon mixing it, it should be drinkable. If not, you used too little water. Given that it’s unflavored, it should be more or less just like drinking water, albeit perhaps with a thicker texture to it.

      Thanks again for the question, I gotta update this article a little bit.

    2. If I only took one hit and the bud was sitting outside for awhile in a pinner and it was pretty muched smoke to ash anyways will I fail my urine test it gets sent to a special lab. I smoked on Monday the 24 of sept and I have a test on Friday the 28 will it show up and I didn’t even get high either and I didn’t smoke for 5 months before the 24 and can I get someone to pee for me and im 6ft tall and I weigh 155 and I have a high matabalisome

  4. So a question…lets say i have a drug test coming up on the 11th of september. I smoke a pretty regular amount, but I know about these tests long before they come along. I was clean for a test on July 6th, and quit on august 26th to pass this test. I was also fortunate enough to spend 10 days in 85 degree sunshine in hawaii during this clean period. Do you think I’ll be clean? This is the 4th piss test the court has given me…you’d think these assholes would get the picture by now. Btw it is a dip test. For court. Sound fishy? Trust me it is.

  5. So your telling me, if i smoke all day, come home to a stick drug test, to just add a little toilet water to my pee and im good? Seems a little sketchy to me. Doesent clorox bleach do the same thing but better? Or anything else that would be positive to pass a stick test?

    1. Clorox bleach will only make it smell like bleachy piss. You’ll have to use judgement here. If you really smoke a lot, you’re going to want to dilute it as much as you possibly can. But like I said in the article, these tests aren’t designed to detect ANY amount of toxins in your urine; there is a threshold. So while diluting it doesn’t take any toxins out of the urine, it lowers the number of toxins that exist per milliliter. As long as you dilute the sample to such a point that the amount of toxins in it goes below that threshold, you’re in good shape. If you smoke a lot, you may need to mix up to 75% water with the urine.

      1. Thank you so much, amazing article.. Wish I found it before doing my own research for days.. I have a question about substitution since I don’t have time to detox. I do however want to pee clean within a few weeks, so ill be following all steps eventually. My question involves the heating of urine.. There are mixed opinions everywhere about whether or not it is ok to microwave it. Also curious about how many hours a fresh sample can be sacked.. Another question is, will the test become contaminated as a result of the heated plastic bottle. I thank you in advance for your reply, and again a great article. You are a credit to law-abiding stoners everywhere!

        1. I had to use a friends urine twice to get in to nursing school and used this trick.

          First, i made sure to pick a trust worthy friend that i knew did not smoke or use any drugs (was very hard to find!) after i confirmed he would piss for me, i went to a sport/camping store and bought 2 hand warmers. They should have the temp range on the cover. You should get the ones that range from 94-100 degrees.

          I then found a small plastic bottle (just used a hand sanitizer squeeze bottle that was washed out about 15 times with hot water) make sure the bottle is small enough to hide in your pants. Most labs require you to empty your pockets out in front of them.

          The day of the test, my friend came over at 9am and the test was taken at 11:30am. He voided into the squeeze bottle and then i place the 2 hand warmers on the bottle. (One on each side) kept the bottle in the open until i arrived at the lab and then stuck the bottle in my pants between the belt buckle and my gut. Went in, acted normal, did as they said, went in to the bathroom and squeezed the urine into the test cup. Make sure to make as little noise as possible and adjust the time spent in the bathroom. Dont go in and walk out 10 seconds later. Thats just obvious if you ask me

          Passed both time no problem!

          I hope this helps

          1. Thanks for contributing this. It’ll certainly be helpful for people who want to go with substitution but can’t afford the Whizzinator. It’s a rather ballsy way of going about it if you ask me, but if you feel confident in your ability to keep cool during the process, I’d say go for it.

            Thanks again! :)

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