How to Pass a Urine Drug Test
Notwithstanding the circumstances that forced you into the all-too-common predicament of passing a drug test, and regardless of the illegal substances you’ve consumed throughout the adventure of life, there is always a way for anyone to pass a drug test.
Having said that, the options available to drug users faced with the indignity of drug testing are numerous and varying.
Furthermore, the ideal option for any given individual facing a urine drug test depends on a litany of factors, ranging from how much prior notice you’re granted, to your Body Mass Index (BMI).
Below, I will lay these options out, and provide the information necessary for you to determine which course of action is best given your particular circumstances.
Assuming most who read this are indeed facing an impending urine drug test, please try and tolerate my stupid attempts at being funny. I’m aware that you came across this article in the search of legitimate help and educated advice. I understand that your career and/or freedom is likely contingent upon passing your drug test. Accordingly, I take the advice I give seriously. Despite my love for flippancy, I promise not to stray from factual information on drug testing – that which is backed by science, not personal preconceptions.
Moreover, I abhor the act of drug testing – as well as the frequency and manner with which it’s carried out in society – on a moral level. Due to sheer number of dickholes in Congress, the administration of drug tests in America has become more egregious, with a number of US states mandating that grown-ass adults be drug tested by making the reception of welfare contingent upon a urine sample. Because obviously everyone in the world would attain immediate wealth and success if only they had the fortitude to Just Say No!™
Bottom line, I feel strong that drug testing is plain wrong in most situations, and have a sincere desire to help those affected by drug tests to pass them. Especially given the unending plethora of shitty, moronic, and straight up inaccurate information about drug tests that’s strewn about the internet.
With all that said, the techniques I lay out on the following pages are guaranteed to yield a passing drug test result – it’s a matter of science. However, they are not fool-proof. Don’t be a fool. Don’t take shortcuts. These methods will work if followed correctly. All you have to do is correctly follow them. This is where you should stop skimming.