Everything Wrong with Today's Youth

Personified by the Writings of an Over-Functioning Pothead

Posts from the ‘Journal’ category

The Volkswagen Super Bowl Commercial & Vainglorious White People

Some people just love being offended. I hate people like that.

I bring this up because Volkswagen posted a commercial on Youtube which is slated to run during the 2013 Super Bowl. I learned of it while watching the news. While it should have been considered newsworthy on the merits of its humor and charm, that was not the reason it was being covered by the 24-hour news cycle clusterfuck. It was being covered because there are allegedly a lot of people out there who found it very racist.

It is not racist. But before I elaborate on why, you should watch the commercial for yourself. Provided you aren’t a frigid, self-important white person, it will leave you with positive and happy feelings. Without further ado:



Solid commercial, right? You’re probably wondering, upon viewing the commercial yourself, exactly how big an object one must have up their ass in order to perceive the delightful commercial above as racist? Answer: really big. And wide.

I want to make clear, my opinion is not that this Super Bowl commercial for Volkswagen is not racist. That is an observable fact, and only my opinion insofar as, “Everything Wrong with Today’s Youth is a blog,” is my opinion. It is fact, not opinion. It is not up for debate.

Yes, that the commercial doesn’t seem to include a single black American doesn’t help its case. It makes it easier for someone to decry it as, “verbal blackface,” which is the stupidest characterization of this commercial I’ve heard so far.

My opinion on the commercial, for what it’s worth, is that it’s funny. Cute, even. But to call it racist would mean anything that ever mentions or alludes to race – a commercial, a statement, an article, a TV show, etc… – in a humorous or lighthearted manner is racist. If the 2013 Volkswagen Super Bowl commercial is racist, then what isn’t?

The most intellectually defective argument for why this commercial is so racist is that it implicitly assumes all Jamaicans are happy. It doesn’t. At most (if we must get theoretical), it posits that there is at least one happy Jamaican, the persona of whom is co-opted by people as a result of driving a Volkswagen. That’s not racist. The condescending assertion that this commercial is racist because Jamaica, with all it’s social and cultural issues, does not house a single happy Jamaican, is racist.

The thing is, no one who really matters is calling it racist. Which, being a person who doesn’t matter, is why I feel qualified to opine on it.


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Death and Vexation

The Last Judgment by Gustave Doré

I hate to put a damper on what’s an otherwise lighthearted blog. But that’s life.

An individual with whom I shared an inimitable relationship died a month ago. A month ago tomorrow. Assuming I finish writing this today. Which I won’t. It’ll take some time to organize the obstinate, disheveled thoughts which accompany this particular loss. Continue reading…

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“Honey Boo Boo” – Shitty Television or Exploitation?

I came across this article on nbcnews.com the other day.

It contemplates the nature of the TLC program Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Namely, whether it constitutes entertainment or exploitation. I would argue neither. However, being an openminded individual, I am capable of recognizing the possibility that others may interpret this program to be “entertaining.” So I’ll work from there. Here’s a snippet of the article. Continue reading…

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DMT Q&A with John Jr

As those of you who follow EWWTY know, I published an article last month detailing my experience with DMT. If you haven’t read it you should do so now, it’s really good – and I’m rarely willing to say that about my work.

Anyway, the article attracted far more readers and positive feedback than I could have anticipated; I’ve spent roughly as much time responding to everyone as I did writing the piece (which is awesome).

One of my readers, John Jr, had a series of really thoughtful questions about my DMT experience. I realized soon after reading them that my answers would be substantive enough to call for a separate new post. So, without further adieu: Continue reading…

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Senility

I had one of those moments today where I though of something really good to write about.

And then life threw a minor distraction my way, diverging my train of thought for a matter of mere seconds. Next think I knew, I was thrust into that frustrating mental limbo where I could remember having had the idea, whilst possessing absolutely no immediate knowledge of what it actually was.

Defeated, I ventured to the porch for a cigarette. Whereupon I checked my phone for the time, inadvertently revealing a gift past James was thoughtful enough to leave for future James – an unsent text message articulating my super good idea. It read:

Senility as defense mechanism against fear of death

Though it worked to refresh my memory, it also made me realize it wasn’t really that good an idea in the first place.

To elaborate, it was a fleeting idea that crossed my mind. The simple hypothesis was that senility is just another human function, the purpose of which is to maintain happiness and contentment in the face of imminent death. Think about it, have you ever heard an old person say they fear death? I mean like, a really old person.

I hope the answer to that hypothetical question is no, because otherwise that must’ve been a pretty fucking awkward situation with granny. But I digress. My point is, having lived a fulfilled life can’t be the only thing that caused old dying people to not fear death. And that’s why old people become senile, so they can at least live out their final days doing something – anything – other than dwelling on their imminent death.

That was before I realized that science would suggest, as it indeed does, that senility is a symptom, and could in no way be a result of evolution – considering that reaching senility pretty much means you’ve already survived successfully, and ain’t gonna have much chance to spread your seed anymore.

That was before I recognized the irony of the previous thirty minutes of my life – that is, my senile efforts to remember this thought – which, in and of itself, is something worth writing about.

And thus is the twisted nature of my creative process.

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DMT Experience Featured

Update: Be sure to check out these other great articles about DMT. After reading this one, of course. :)

Preface

DMT Information

I experienced the most terrifying and profound drug trip of my life recently.

Yes, the following article is, in part, a report on the experience of tripping on the hallucinogenic drug DMT; but I promise this article is not an obnoxious recount of how silly it made me and my friends act, or anything of that vein.

DMT, short for dimethyltryptamine (pronounced die-meth-ill-trip-ta-mean), is a chemical substance found in an enormous variety of plants. DMT is conjectured to be produced by the pineal gland of mammalian brains. When smoked, DMT is perhaps the most powerful hallucinogen known to man - a statement about which I was skeptical only until I smoked it. Continue reading…

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Marijuana for Children with ADHD?



So that’s a very old story from Countdown. But I just found it so let’s pretend it’s new.

I’m not one of those potheads who claim marijuana cures everything. However, I do think that when it comes down to it, a cookie with weed in it can’t be any worse for a child than the amphetamine concoctions we give them now.

This comes from personal experience; I’m 21 right now, which means I was an elementary school student during the Ritalin craze of the 90′s. I was tested for ADHD in second grade. I’ve always wondered, as my memory of the event is rather fuzzy, how you go about determining whether or not a seven-year-old has ADHD. Have you ever had a conversation with a seven-year-old?

Answer: No.

Because seven-year-olds are fucking stupid, and it’s impossible to have a conversation with one. You may have talked to a seven-year-old before. There’s a difference. Conversation involves the mutual exchange of ideas. If you find yourself wiser upon engaging in verbal communication with a seven-year-old, you’re either a six-year-old or a fucking moron.

Which leads me to my next question. How could you possibly diagnose a seven-year-old with a learning disability when the symptoms double as a description of most children under nine.

© Sponge (Obtained from Wikimedia)

Allow me to explain, the symptoms of ADHD as listed on WebMD are as follows:

  • Difficulty paying attention to details and tendency to make careless mistakes in school or other activities; producing work that is often messy and careless.
  • Easily distracted by irrelevant stimuli and frequently interrupting ongoing tasks to attend to trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others
  • Inability to sustain attention on tasks or activities
  • Difficulty finishing schoolwork or paperwork or performing tasks that require concentration
  • Frequent shifts from one uncompleted activity to another
  • Procrastination
  • Disorganized work habits
  • Forgetfulness in daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)
  • Failure to complete tasks such as homework or chores
  • Frequent shifts in conversation, not listening to others, not keeping one’s mind on conversations, and not following details or rules of activities in social situations

Hmmm, that sounds awfully similar to every single seven-year-old ever. “Failure to complete tasks such as homework or chores”???

Let me get one thing straight. I didn’t do my homework or chores because I was seven. Seven-year-olds don’t give a fuck, as they lack a fuck to give. I certainly didn’t start doing either of those things once I was forced to start taking Ritalin every morning, and I’m pretty sure the only seven year olds who did care about that stuff were the ones getting their asses kicked by their schoolmates.

Moral of the story: make your kids get stoned when they’re young. That way it won’t be the cool thing to do when they get older.

This post brought to you by the letter weed.

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Are Facebook Ads Really This Easy for Scammers to Abuse?

A moment ago, whilst engaged in my usual Facebook creeping routine, my eyes were drawn to one of the advertisements; as often is the case. I have long since accepted that Facebook is more aware of my interests than me. Being a dirt poor college student, however, I never actually click them. This ad was special though. It was advertising something free.

Spoiler alert: it was a scam.

Before you judge me as an inept webizen of these United Internets, I’ll have you know this petty scam did not get the better of me. Though, it came closer than any which preceded it.

Here’s why. Upon reading the ad’s entirety, the thought that it might be a scam hadn’t crossed my mind. Facebook, with it’s sleek, simple-but-dynamic charm instilled me with a false sense of security. Surely, a website with which I have such history wouldn’t usher me toward anything malicious. Especially not with all my friends around.

Oh, and also because what it was advertising put me in an excited unthinking frenzy. The potential to obtain a pre-release copy of Grand Theft Auto V. Gimme a minute, I gotta watch that trailer again.



Yeah, it’s gonna be the tits.

So you can imagine the extent of my enthusiasm when I spotted this deceptive little bastard of a GTA V Facebook Ad.



If I’m not mistaken, it seems this Facebook advertisement purports to be created by Rockstar Games with the intent to find beta testers for their new awesome video game. Once the webpage it linked to opened, the implication was the same, despite a less convincing presentation than the ad. Blinded by desire, it wasn’t until I read its directions that I could no longer suppress the stinging realization that I wouldn’t be beta-testing Grand Theft Auto V for Rockstar.

Other than the words “Congratulations Visitor from Facebook” it scrawled upon my browser’s header, obviously written by either a foreigner or a robot, there seemed to be a certain urgency to its words. As though it wanted me to dart through the process in a careless haste. As though it sensed my yearning to do so.

Upon doing a Google search of the webpage, http://gamergiveaway.net/l/gtav-giveaway/2/, my suspicions were confirmed.

Here’s the actual page it took me to. I’m probably almost certain it’s safe to visit.

Since it likely won’t be up long, here’s a screenshot too.

As you’ve observed, this clearly wasn’t set up by GTA’s publisher. The absence of Rockstar logos, the tacky green text against black background, and the presence of what has to be the sorriest attempt at a faux ‘verified site’ icon that could possibly have been produced are all indicators that some Russian teenager threw it together in a hurry between being cold, and, well… being cold. What else do you think there is to do in Russia? Be cold and scam Americans. That’s it. Oh, and pretend Anna Chapman is attractive.

Ohh, but I kid the Russians.

I must say, I’m quite proud I was able to resist what was a tenacious urge to give every bit of my info to this insalubrious website. Way to go me.

This near-catastrophe left me with a question regarding Facebook’s ad policy. Namely, whether or not they have one.

They do. The next inquiry I faced was how effectively they enforce the ad policy. Since I never click the ads, it’s never been an issue. This being a harder question to answer, I was brought to write this in hopes that my fellow bloggers could share any experiences they’ve had with Facebook ad scams. I wanna find out just how big an issue this is over there.


Update: Grand Theft Auto V Facebook Ad Scam Still Running

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Holy Effing Fuck

Have you ever set aside a food item or sugary beverage only to totally forget about it? And then you find it like four or five months later swarming with life? Like, not just a couple ants, but an actual array of taxonomically distinguishable biological entities?

This blog is that food item or sugary beverage. I haven’t logged-in in months, and I return to find that people are actually reading my shit. Less than a hundred views away from 15,000, with about 80-100 views per day on average.

Not to say that my readers are similar to mold and insects, just that they’re analogous to them – in this case, at least. Sure, mold and insects are nasty. But what isn’t nasty is life.

See what I did there? You were all: “I ain’t no moldy-ass insect,” and then I was all: “I know, ‘moldy-ass insect’ was meant to be representative of the miracle of life – which is what I was comparing you to,” then you were like: “Ohh word, you’re so awesome, man.”

Anyway, I find this new development rather exciting. If I’m not mistaken, I have pledged to begin writing regularly again in like my last two or three posts, so I won’t do that again simply because present James can make no predictions of what future James’s actions will be. I do have a few good marijuana-related ideas so I’ll probably end up doing those, but other than that I can make no promises.

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Summer So Far

I’m in the mood to write right now. Accordingly, I’m going to try to assemble a readable description of my summer so far. I’ll start from the beginning, right around the time I stopped posting on this blog.

The feasibility of acquiring an internship being ambiguous, I accepted the job offered to me by my previous summer employer, whom I worked for the two consecutive summers prior. It’s a solid job at a small summer day-camp where I lifeguard and teach swim lessons to varying-aged groups of children throughout the day; I was to be hired as the “manager” (I put manager in quotes because there’s three guards other than myself). It involves working Monday through Friday from 9:30am to 3:00pm.

Let me take this opportunity to acknowledge the fear present in the hearts of my readers with children. You can rest easy knowing that I genuinely love the children very much and am extremely responsible when it comes to them.

And by “love”, I mean “fear”; and by “children” I mean “parent’s lawyers”, but the effect is the same.

So after committing to this job, I learned of an internship opportunity at a local radio station in my home town. Actually, it’s a company which owns a couple radio stations.

I really wanted to do an internship this summer as the only other alternatives were to do one during either Fall or Spring Semester, which I definitely didn’t wanna do. So about a week before my Summer job started, I began interning for them.

And so hence the position I find myself in now. The lifeguarding job, while stressful, is wholly uninteresting. There’s not really a whole lot going on during it for me to come home and want to write about it.

It’s just boring.

I come in, wait for screaming children to arrive, teach the younger ones how to swim, teach the older ones how to swim better, make sure none of them drown, go home. The other lifeguards are cool, but they’re just as bored as I am. The worst part is that, while boring, it can still be rather exhausting. It’s not construction work, but it’s not the same as most lifeguard jobs, which involve a lot of sitting around in the sun.

Oh yeah, and that’s the other thing. It’s an indoor pool. Do you know how much it sucks to work at an indoor pool during the summer? Let’s just say you can breath easier in a storm cloud. At least storm clouds don’t include noxious pool chemical particulates.

It’s not good for the “creative process” so to speak.

Working at the radio station is mostly pretty cool, except I’m usually so drained by the humid monotony of the lifeguarding job to fully enjoy it and be at my best.

The best slash worst slash best again part of working in radio are the people you meet when one or both of the stations goes out to events.

First and foremost, one of the stations is a contemporary country music station; the listener-base is “redneck” with a side of “southern redneck” and little bits and pieces of “racist redneck” sprinkled on top. So when we sponsor an event or do a broadcast remote, only the most dedicated of the station’s redneck constituency are in attendance.

So out of that sub-constituency of listeners who actually show up, the ones charismatic enough to come up and talk to us are the ones I get to interact with.

Often throughout life, when I’ve seen a person doing a typical redneck impersonation, I’ve thought to myself “Ahhh, they’re not really that bad…”

They’re worse.

It’s as if they’re making fun of the way they talk and act simply by talking and acting. If, within the crowd of rednecks at these events, there were five comedians doing blatantly cliche and offensive impersonations of rednecks, the rednecks and I would be none the wiser.

So that’s what I’ve been up to.

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