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Marijuana for Children with ADHD?



So that’s a very old story from Countdown. But I just found it so let’s pretend it’s new.

I’m not one of those potheads who claim marijuana cures everything. However, I do think that when it comes down to it, a cookie with weed in it can’t be any worse for a child than the amphetamine concoctions we give them now.

This comes from personal experience; I’m 21 right now, which means I was an elementary school student during the Ritalin craze of the 90′s. I was tested for ADHD in second grade. I’ve always wondered, as my memory of the event is rather fuzzy, how you go about determining whether or not a seven-year-old has ADHD. Have you ever had a conversation with a seven-year-old?

Answer: No.

Because seven-year-olds are fucking stupid, and it’s impossible to have a conversation with one. You may have talked to a seven-year-old before. There’s a difference. Conversation involves the mutual exchange of ideas. If you find yourself wiser upon engaging in verbal communication with a seven-year-old, you’re either a six-year-old or a fucking moron.

Which leads me to my next question. How could you possibly diagnose a seven-year-old with a learning disability when the symptoms double as a description of most children under nine.

© Sponge (Obtained from Wikimedia)

Allow me to explain, the symptoms of ADHD as listed on WebMD are as follows:

  • Difficulty paying attention to details and tendency to make careless mistakes in school or other activities; producing work that is often messy and careless.
  • Easily distracted by irrelevant stimuli and frequently interrupting ongoing tasks to attend to trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others
  • Inability to sustain attention on tasks or activities
  • Difficulty finishing schoolwork or paperwork or performing tasks that require concentration
  • Frequent shifts from one uncompleted activity to another
  • Procrastination
  • Disorganized work habits
  • Forgetfulness in daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)
  • Failure to complete tasks such as homework or chores
  • Frequent shifts in conversation, not listening to others, not keeping one’s mind on conversations, and not following details or rules of activities in social situations

Hmmm, that sounds awfully similar to every single seven-year-old ever. “Failure to complete tasks such as homework or chores”???

Let me get one thing straight. I didn’t do my homework or chores because I was seven. Seven-year-olds don’t give a fuck, as they lack a fuck to give. I certainly didn’t start doing either of those things once I was forced to start taking Ritalin every morning, and I’m pretty sure the only seven year olds who did care about that stuff were the ones getting their asses kicked by their schoolmates.

Moral of the story: make your kids get stoned when they’re young. That way it won’t be the cool thing to do when they get older.

This post brought to you by the letter weed.

500px-Facebook

Grand Theft Auto V Facebook Ad Scam Still Running

A few days back, I posted this article about a Facebook Advertisement for a free copy of GTA V.

Beware, this is ad is a scam, and it is still running on Facebook.

I saw it again just a moment ago. I was surprised because I figured by the time I posted my original article about it, Facebook would have taken it down. Well, they didn’t. In fact, upon further inspection, I found the website was updated.

It’s being run from http://www.gamergiveaway.net. The exact link it took me to a few days back was http://gamergiveaway.net/l/gtav-giveaway/2/, today it linked me to http://gamergiveaway.net/l/gtav-giveaway/.

I just wanted to point this so hopefully people who Google the website will find this before giving their information to it. Just to make myself entirely clear about how I know this website Facebook is advertising is a scam, allow me to lay out my logic.

First of all, Grand Theft Auto V is not out yet. That means only the publisher, Rockstar Games, would be able to give out beta copies. A quick whois search will reveal it’s not likely set up by anyone from Rockstar. However, that’s no longer necessary as this updated version of the scam features the following statements:

We are looking for enthusiastic GTA players to be the first to test out the brand new GTA V. Just complete our short 30-second survey and enter your contact information so we know where to send your copy of GTA V. Your survey information helps us determine how to improve the gaming experience.

Okay, so the implication given by the website is that it’s set up by Rockstar. Oh, except for the disclaimer the scammer decided to put up since my last visit.

This site is NOT created or associated with Rockstar games or Facebook in any way. This site runs promotional offers not related to anything offered by Rockstar Games.

So the scam reveals itself all on the same page. I wonder if anyone has been either stupid or wishful enough to fall for it.

1024px-Mitt_Romney_by_Gage_Skidmore

Daily Show Moment of Zen – Mitt Romney on Music (12/7/2011)

One of my favorite parts of The Daily Show on Comedy Central is its Moment of Zen segment, where a short clip from that day’s news coverage (almost always from one of the three US cable news networks) closes the show unaccompanied by commentary. They’re generally moments of awkwardness, often targeted towards the most dedicated news-junkie. Though recent news coverage has provided for some great “moment of zen” moments, last night ended with a clip of Mitt Romney from back in 1994. And it’s one of the funniest I’ve seen in a while.

Mitt Romney on Music.

Those seven seconds of Mitt Romney’s life sum up his entire political career splendidly. I mean, have you ever heard a more prototypical ‘politician’ response to such a basic question? What a phlegmatic dude.

Being an observer of Romney for a while, I’m sure that what he meant by, “Well, I like music of almost any kind including this,” was, “What is this ‘muzaak’ you speak of?”

Either that or, “Mormons are only allowed to listen to polka.”

Feel free to give your own speculations of what Romney’s honest answer would’ve been.

Being a man of fairness, here’s the video in its full context.


379px-Rick_Perry_photo_portrait,_August_28,_2004

Could Rick Perry’s ‘Strong’ Ad be More Predictable?

Rick Perry promises war on homosexuals and religious freedom

Millard Fillmore’s Bathtub



I knew I had to write something about this after seeing it. However, Ed Darrell expresses the same sentiments as mine with regard to Perry better, and in fewer words (and expletives), than I could. Which I appreciate, as now I may focus on making fun of him.

This ad will re-define the boundaries of political satire this election cycle. It reads like a Saturday Night Live parody of a Bush 2000 campaign ad. That is to say, Rick Perry is the exaggerated manifestation of Bush.

Here’s a quote from the video, to which I shall respond humorously.

…you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.

Actually, Rick, I believe you do. [Insert rimshot here]. In fact, church every Sunday is merely one condition that must be met in order to ‘know’ that. The others – if I’m not mistaken – include KKK meetings every Friday night, and a propensity toward male prostitutes and/or giving blow-jobs to strangers in airport bathrooms.

That’s all I got for now. I’ll update this if I think of any other jokes. I’m sure I will.

Be sure to check out Ed Darrell’s blog, Millard Fillmore’s Bathtub. He’s got heaps of other interesting posts.

frustrated computer user

Are Facebook Ads Really This Easy for Scammers to Abuse?

A moment ago, whilst engaged in my usual Facebook creeping routine, my eyes were drawn to one of the advertisements; as often is the case. I have long since accepted that Facebook is more aware of my interests than me. Being a dirt poor college student, however, I never actually click them. This ad was special though. It was advertising something free.

Spoiler alert: it was a scam.

Before you judge me as an inept webizen of these United Internets, I’ll have you know this petty scam did not get the better of me. Though, it came closer than any which preceded it.

Here’s why. Upon reading the ad’s entirety, the thought that it might be a scam hadn’t crossed my mind. Facebook, with it’s sleek, simple-but-dynamic charm instilled me with a false sense of security. Surely, a website with which I have such history wouldn’t usher me toward anything malicious. Especially not with all my friends around.

Oh, and also because what it was advertising put me in an excited unthinking frenzy. The potential to obtain a pre-release copy of Grand Theft Auto V. Gimme a minute, I gotta watch that trailer again.



Yeah, it’s gonna be the tits.

So you can imagine the extent of my enthusiasm when I spotted this deceptive little bastard of a GTA V Facebook Ad.



If I’m not mistaken, it seems this Facebook advertisement purports to be created by Rockstar Games with the intent to find beta testers for their new awesome video game. Once the webpage it linked to opened, the implication was the same, despite a less convincing presentation than the ad. Blinded by desire, it wasn’t until I read its directions that I could no longer suppress the stinging realization that I wouldn’t be beta-testing Grand Theft Auto V for Rockstar.

Other than the words “Congratulations Visitor from Facebook” it scrawled upon my browser’s header, obviously written by either a foreigner or a robot, there seemed to be a certain urgency to its words. As though it wanted me to dart through the process in a careless haste. As though it sensed my yearning to do so.

Upon doing a Google search of the webpage, http://gamergiveaway.net/l/gtav-giveaway/2/, my suspicions were confirmed.

Here’s the actual page it took me to. I’m probably almost certain it’s safe to visit.

Since it likely won’t be up long, here’s a screenshot too.

As you’ve observed, this clearly wasn’t set up by GTA’s publisher. The absence of Rockstar logos, the tacky green text against black background, and the presence of what has to be the sorriest attempt at a faux ‘verified site’ icon that could possibly have been produced are all indicators that some Russian teenager threw it together in a hurry between being cold, and, well… being cold. What else do you think there is to do in Russia? Be cold and scam Americans. That’s it. Oh, and pretend Anna Chapman is attractive.

Ohh, but I kid the Russians.

I must say, I’m quite proud I was able to resist what was a tenacious urge to give every bit of my info to this insalubrious website. Way to go me.

This near-catastrophe left me with a question regarding Facebook’s ad policy. Namely, whether or not they have one.

They do. The next inquiry I faced was how effectively they enforce the ad policy. Since I never click the ads, it’s never been an issue. This being a harder question to answer, I was brought to write this in hopes that my fellow bloggers could share any experiences they’ve had with Facebook ad scams. I wanna find out just how big an issue this is over there.


Update: Grand Theft Auto V Facebook Ad Scam Still Running

PoliticsNation

Rev. Al Sharpton’s Blueberry Pie Promo (VIDEO)

Al Sharpton loves blueberry pie. And metaphors.

Sharpton has been anchoring PoliticsNation on MSNBC for about four months now. Obviously, he’s earned his own promo. There’s no way in hell Sharpton is wasting it in a nasty shipyard like Ed. Not the great Reverend Al Sharpton. He’s gonna stick with what he loves.

Continue reading

The American Lung Association’s Baby Wheezing Commercial

Holy balls. I just saw this advertisement on TV by the American Lung Association.

Yeah, holy balls. What an adroit use of babies as a mechanism for guilt.

I say bravo to the American Lung Association for two reasons. The first, but not foremost, of which is the fact this wasn’t an anti-tobacco commercial. Props to them for focusing on a factor effecting American’s lung health other than cigarettes.

The second reason, of course, is the fact that they’re airing thirty seconds of straight baby coughing on national television. That’s hardcore.

This mysterious gene often results in death.

Female Drivers

Okay, so this may evoke a few negative emotions from some of ya’ll. But oh well; it’d be disingenuous for me not to post it just because of what others may think.

Why the hell do we issue driver’s licenses to females? On the real. That shit blows my mind.

First off, don’t pin the misogynist tail on my ass right away. This has nothing to do with discrimination. It’s about common sense. Women are horrible fucking drivers. See what I did there? That’s bolded, italicized, AND underlined – AND followed by a ‘fucking.’ I think I’ve made my point.

Oh, but of course. My fancy textual ornamentation isn’t enough. Women desire elegance and wisdom. How vacuous of me. Now where was I?

Ummm… Oh yeah! This has nothing to do with discrimination. It’s about common sense.

Clearly there is something programmed deep within females’ genetic coding which, from the moment they enter a driver’s seat to the point they exit, cripples rational thought. It’s probably similar to the gene in deers that causes them to freeze when a vehicle is barreling directly towards them.

This mysterious gene kills.

It’s as though they lose the ability of depth perception once the engine starts. Every decision is hectically mulled over, and eventually executed a half second after no longer being a safe decision.

Example: Female driver preparing to turn left out of a parking lot onto a divided four-lane road. A mini-seisure of hesitation is brought on by the arduous task of judging whether or not the cars coming from either side will reach the intersection before completing the left turn. The cars are about ten seconds from reaching the intersection, and the turn will take about three. The mini-seisure lasts just long enough for the gap in traffic to close. Everyone in the car has long since assumed the driver has decided to wait for the next openingWHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE GUNS IT!!!

Next thing you know, everything is moving in slow motion as Death’s boney index finger scathes the peach-fuzz on your Adam’s apple. “Holy fucking shit! What the fuck was that that!?!?,” the passengers curiously exclaim, “Why didn’t you just go in the first fucking place?!?!”

Humorous. Quirky. Cute, even. Right?

Wrong.

Female are none of those things whilst driving… Tripping over your high-heels at a formal event is humorous. Rapping Lil Wayne’s abhorrently misogynistic lyrics every time one of his songs comes on is quirky. Playing with your hair when you’re bored is cute.

It's funny 'cuz high-heels are stupid. (© StyleCaster.com)

Guess why? Because those things don’t result in multiple deaths every single fucking day. While, on the other hand, a small city’s worth of people are killed in car accidents every year. In fact, I take back what I said earlier about discrimination having nothing to do with it. It is discrimination. Discrimination in the name of saving lives.

But, alas, I have no hard evidence to support these grievances. On the contrary, most empirical data indicates the opposite. Of course, empirical data can’t take into account the male who swerves out of the way of an inept female into another male… But I digress. I could sit here all day and go through a litany of theoretical examples illustrating females’ inferior driving abilities without anything being accomplished.

Luckily, I’m a man of action. And ideas. Ideas first though, then action.

My idea? Revoke the licenses of every female in the United States for two years. Two years, that’s it. If traffic fatalities don’t decrease substantially after those two years, ya’ll can have them back.

That’s not it, though. I’m all about fairness. Here’s the part that the ladies will actually like: in the highly unlikely instance that no visible downward trend of traffic fatalities occurred during those two years, male’s licenses will be revoked for two years.

See? Totally fair. I should run for office.

Personified by the Writings of an Over-Functioning Pothead

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