society | Everything Wrong with Today's Youth

The Volkswagen Super Bowl Commercial & Vainglorious White People

By James Kalìwæ on Friday, February 1st, 2013

Some people just love being offended. I hate people like that.

I bring this up because Volkswagen posted a commercial on Youtube which is slated to run during the 2013 Super Bowl. I learned of it while watching the news. While it should have been considered newsworthy on the merits of its humor and charm, that was not the reason it was being covered by the 24-hour news ~~cycle~~ clusterfuck. It was being covered because there are allegedly a lot of people out there who found it very racist.

It is not racist. But before I elaborate on why, you should watch the commercial for yourself. Provided you aren’t a frigid, self-important white person, it will leave you with positive and happy feelings. Without further ado:

Solid commercial, right? You’re probably wondering, upon viewing the commercial yourself, exactly how big an object one must have up their ass in order to perceive the delightful commercial above as racist? Answer: really big. And wide.

I want to make clear, my opinion is not that this Super Bowl commercial for Volkswagen is not racist. That is an observable fact, and only my opinion insofar as, “Everything Wrong with Today’s Youth is a blog,” is my opinion. It is fact, not opinion. It is not up for debate.

Yes, that the commercial doesn’t seem to include a single black American doesn’t help its case. It makes it easier for someone to decry it as, “verbal blackface,” which is the stupidest characterization of this commercial I’ve heard so far.

My opinion on the commercial, for what it’s worth, is that it’s funny. Cute, even. But to call it racist would mean anything that ever mentions or alludes to race – a commercial, a statement, an article, a TV show, etc… – in a humorous or lighthearted manner is racist. If the 2013 Volkswagen Super Bowl commercial is racist, then what isn’t?

The most intellectually defective argument for why this commercial is so racist is that it implicitly assumes all Jamaicans are happy. It doesn’t. At most (if we must get theoretical), it posits that there is at least one happy Jamaican, the persona of whom is co-opted by people as a result of driving a Volkswagen. That’s not racist. The condescending assertion that this commercial is racist because Jamaica, with all it’s social and cultural issues, does not house a single happy Jamaican, is racist.

The thing is, no one who really matters is calling it racist. Which, being a person who doesn’t matter, is why I feel qualified to opine on it.

How to Get Away with Stuff #3 – Passing a Urine Drug Test

Back by popular demand, I present the third installment of EWWTY’s How to Get Away with Stuff series. This entry is all about how to pass a urine drug test.

This is long overdue. In the first two installments, my readers gained the know-how to avoid getting caught smoking marijuana at home and college with success. Though it was in my most honest intentions to write a number of follow-ups to those two, I instead opted to get high and write about something else. And then I just decided to get high. And then, well… Needless to say, I never did.

Nevertheless, I realize now how plainly irresponsible it was of me to be sending the little Google-searching hoodlums of the world off into the ravages of society with only half the formula, so to speak. The weed smoker’s trouble doesn’t end with merely getting away with the act of smoking weed. Society has another ace up its sleeve when it comes to dicking over cannabis users. Ya’ll know the beast to which I refer: the abominable urine drug test.

Notwithstanding the situation that forced you into the all-too-common predicament of passing a drug test, and regardless of the illegal substances you’ve consumed throughout the adventure of life, there is always a way for anyone to pass a urine drug test. Having said that, the options available to drug users faced with the indignity of drug testing are numerous and varying.

Furthermore, the ideal option for any given individual depends on a litany of factors, ranging from how much prior notice you’re granted, to your Body Mass Index (BMI). Below, I will lay these options out, and do my best to provide the information necessary for you to determine which course of action is best given the circumstances surrounding your drug test.

Assuming most who read this article are indeed facing an impending drug test, please try and tolerate my stupid attempts at being funny. I promise you, I’m aware that you’ve come across this article because you needed help, and therefore take very seriously the advice I give.

Moreover, I abhor the act of drug testing – as well as the frequency and manner with which it’s carried out in society – on a moral level. Given the douche-bag Republicans in Congress, and their crusade against everything decent, the practice is becoming more deplorable, with a number of US states effectively mandating that grown-ass adults be drug tested by making the reception of welfare contingent upon a urine sample. Bottom line, I feel very strong that drug testing is plain wrong in the vast majority of situations, and have a sincere desire to help those affected by drug tests to beat them.

Every method I lay out below is guaranteed to yield a passing result – it’s a matter of science. However, they are not fool-proof. Don’t be a fool. Don’t take shortcuts. These methods will work if followed correctly. All you have to do is correctly follow them. This is where you should stop skimming. Continue reading…

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Understanding the Death of Trayvon Martin

By James Kalìwæ on Sunday, March 18th, 2012

I was going to write something about this story (VIDEO), in which a seventeen-year-old black boy named Trayvon Martin was shot and killed by a white man named George Zimmerman who judged him to be “up to no good.”

And then I found this fantastic blog post by Deborah Mello at her blog, I Ain’t Said Nothin’ But A Word.

Anyone aware of the story’s facts knows this is clearly manslaughter at least. So why, then, haven’t the police arrested George Zimmerman? I don’t know about all of that, but Trevon Martin’s family wants the FBI to get involved. I agree with them.

Please give Deborah’s post a read, it’s very well written and says a lot about modern race relations in the United States.

UPDATE: Jonathan Capehart of The Washington Post wrote a great opinion article about this tragedy. Please give it a read.

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Reasons Mormons are Weird: Volume One

Surfing through the sewer that is American internet news publications, I came across the following story, which is an elaboration upon an issue msnbc.com has covered at least once prior:

Mormon Church Tries to Limit Baptism of Deceased Jews

Now, you may be wondering, “What the fuck?”

If that’s the case, clearly someone isn’t reading enough news.

Incase you’re unaware: Yes, the Mormon church engages in forced, post-mortem baptisms. Which means they “baptize” dead people who were never baptized whilst living. Like, regardless of anything the person ever said or stood for, or what the deceased’s kin say.

Oh, and they do it to dead Jews. And not just any dead Jews. Dead holocaust victims.

Because if you’re gonna do some weird freaky Mormon shit, why not just say, “fuck it,” and make it as distasteful and inconsiderate of everyone else as possible. That’s how Mormons roll, I guess.

This spurred me to start a theme of posts dissecting the issue of Mormons’ weirdness.

So, to be clear, reason number one Mormons are weird is that they perform post-mortem baptisms on Jews who died during the holocaust.

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Politifact Lies

By James Kalìwæ on Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

Politifact is a news organization that measures the truthiness of political statements. Well, they’re liars now too.

Politifact Has Decided That A Totally True Thing Is The “Lie Of The Year,” For Some Reason

The Huffington Post

Paul Krugman wakes up this morning, mourning the death of Politifact. He has good cause! In announcing its 2011 “Lie Of The Year,” the truth-squadding agency has settled on something that isn’t so much a “lie” as it is “100 percent true on its face,” and the selection seems to have been made because it doesn’t seem to understand some very basic things about Medicare’s defined health benefits.

As Politifact sees it, the “lie of the year” is the phrase, “Republicans voted to end Medicare.” Okay. What is “Medicare?” Medicare is a single-payer health care system that primarily benefits seniors aged 65 and up, but it also covers younger Americans who have certain disabilities or who require kidney dialysis for any type of end-stage renal disease. It helps to cover the following things: hospital care, doctors’ visits, outpatient care, prescription drugs and some preventative services. It’s a defined health care benefit provided by the federal government.

Mediaite also has a great article about the controversy:

Politi-f**ked: Why Politifact’s ‘Lie Of The Year’ Is Not Just Wrong, It’s Irresponsible

Mediaite

Since announcing “Republicans voted to end Medicare” as its “Lie Of The Year” yesterday, Pulitzer Prize-winning fact-check outfit Politifact.com has faced more blowback than a chronic spitter on a Ducati. While they apparentlythink this is just griping by the left, even the conservative National Review says they got it wrong. What Politifact doesn’t seem to realize is that this wasn’t just a wrong decision, it was anirresponsible one that undercuts their own, and journalism’s, duty to serve the public.

After their announcement, Politifact editor Bill Adairwent on CBS’ The Early Show to propagandize, and even lie, about the Paul Ryan budget plan, while the site’s Twitter feed blithely retweeted cherry-picked criticism of their decision (notably not that National Review post, nor Mediaite’s calling out of their editor), and retweeting people who cast the blowback as a left/right issue. They also made sure to buttress their decision with support fromWaPo fact-checker Glenn Kessler (himself prone to bad judgment), and by pointing out that FactCheck.org made a similarly bad ruling.

You know we’re fucked when the ‘fact checkers’ reveal themselves to be liars too.

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Legendary Author, Journalist Christopher Hitchens Dies at 62

By James Kalìwæ on Friday, December 16th, 2011

Vanity Fair reported late last night that Christopher Hitchens died at age 62. His death was caused by pneumonia brought upon by esophageal cancer, which he was diagnosed with in 2010.

From the Vanity Fair article -

“Cancer victimhood contains a permanent temptation to be self-centered and even solipsistic,” Hitchens wrote nearly a year ago in Vanity Fair, but his own final labors were anything but: in the last 12 months, he produced for this magazine a piece on U.S.-Pakistani relations in the wake of Osama bin Laden’s death, a portrait of Joan Didion, an essay on the Private Eyeretrospective at the Victoria and Albert Museum, a prediction about the future of democracy in Egypt, a meditation on the legacy of progressivism in Wisconsin, and a series of frank, graceful, and exquisitely written essays in which he chronicled the physical and spiritual effects of his disease. At the end, Hitchens was more engaged, relentless, hilarious, observant, and intelligent than just about everyone else—just as he had been for the last four decades.

Much of my philosophy and outlook on life came from Hitchens. He taught me rationalism. Skepticism. Wit. I’d be a totally different person today sans Hitchens’s influence. I will miss him.Read more about the death of Christopher Hitchens at The Huffington Post.

Marijuana for Children with ADHD?

By James Kalìwæ on Monday, December 12th, 2011

So that’s a very old story from Countdown. But I just found it so let’s pretend it’s new.

I’m not one of those potheads who claim marijuana cures everything. However, I do think that when it comes down to it, a cookie with weed in it can’t be any worse for a child than the amphetamine concoctions we give them now.

This comes from personal experience; I’m 21 right now, which means I was an elementary school student during the Ritalin craze of the 90′s. I was tested for ADHD in second grade. I’ve always wondered, as my memory of the event is rather fuzzy, how you go about determining whether or not a seven-year-old has ADHD. Have you ever had a conversation with a seven-year-old?

Answer: No.

Because seven-year-olds are fucking stupid, and it’s impossible to have a conversation with one. You may have talked to a seven-year-old before. There’s a difference. Conversation involves the mutual exchange of ideas. If you find yourself wiser upon engaging in verbal communication with a seven-year-old, you’re either a six-year-old or a fucking moron.

Which leads me to my next question. How could you possibly diagnose a seven-year-old with a learning disability when the symptoms double as a description of most children under nine.

Allow me to explain, the symptoms of ADHD as listed on WebMD are as follows:

Difficulty paying attention to details and tendency to make careless mistakes in school or other activities; producing work that is often messy and careless.
Easily distracted by irrelevant stimuli and frequently interrupting ongoing tasks to attend to trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others
Inability to sustain attention on tasks or activities
Difficulty finishing schoolwork or paperwork or performing tasks that require concentration
Frequent shifts from one uncompleted activity to another
Procrastination
Disorganized work habits
Forgetfulness in daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)
Failure to complete tasks such as homework or chores
Frequent shifts in conversation, not listening to others, not keeping one’s mind on conversations, and not following details or rules of activities in social situations

Hmmm, that sounds awfully similar to every single seven-year-old ever. “Failure to complete tasks such as homework or chores”???

Let me get one thing straight. I didn’t do my homework or chores because I was seven. Seven-year-olds don’t give a fuck, as they lack a fuck to give. I certainly didn’t start doing either of those things once I was forced to start taking Ritalin every morning, and I’m pretty sure the only seven year olds who did care about that stuff were the ones getting their asses kicked by their schoolmates.

Moral of the story: make your kids get stoned when they’re young. That way it won’t be the cool thing to do when they get older.

This post brought to you by the letter weed.

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Daily Show Moment of Zen – Mitt Romney on Music (12/7/2011)

By James Kalìwæ on Friday, December 9th, 2011

One of my favorite parts of The Daily Show on Comedy Central is its Moment of Zen segment, where a short clip from that day’s news coverage (almost always from one of the three US cable news networks) closes the show unaccompanied by commentary. They’re generally moments of awkwardness, often targeted towards the most dedicated news-junkie. Though recent news coverage has provided for some great “moment of zen” moments, last night ended with a clip of Mitt Romney from back in 1994. And it’s one of the funniest I’ve seen in a while.

Mitt Romney on Music.

Those seven seconds of Mitt Romney’s life sum up his entire political career splendidly. I mean, have you ever heard a more prototypical ‘politician’ response to such a basic question? What a phlegmatic dude.

Being an observer of Romney for a while, I’m sure that what he meant by, “Well, I like music of almost any kind including this,” was, ”What is this ‘muzaak’ you speak of?”

Either that or, ”Mormons are only allowed to listen to polka.”

Feel free to give your own speculations of what Romney’s honest answer would’ve been.

Being a man of fairness, here’s the video in its full context.

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Could Rick Perry’s ‘Strong’ Ad be More Predictable?

By James Kalìwæ on Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Rick Perry promises war on homosexuals and religious freedom

Millard Fillmore’s Bathtub

I knew I had to write something about this after seeing it. However, Ed Darrell expresses the same sentiments as mine with regard to Perry better, and in fewer words (and expletives), than I could. Which I appreciate, as now I may focus on making fun of him.

This ad will re-define the boundaries of political satire this election cycle. It reads like a Saturday Night Live parody of a Bush 2000 campaign ad. That is to say, Rick Perry is the exaggerated manifestation of Bush.

Here’s a quote from the video, to which I shall respond humorously.

…you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.

Actually, Rick, I believe you do. [Insert rimshot here]. In fact, church every Sunday is merely one condition that must be met in order to ‘know’ that. The others – if I’m not mistaken – include KKK meetings every Friday night, and a propensity toward male prostitutes and/or giving blow-jobs to strangers in airport bathrooms.

That’s all I got for now. I’ll update this if I think of any other jokes. I’m sure I will.

Be sure to check out Ed Darrell’s blog, Millard Fillmore’s Bathtub. He’s got heaps of other interesting posts.

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Everything Wrong with Today's Youth

Personified by the Writings of an Over-Functioning Pothead

Posts tagged ‘society’

The Volkswagen Super Bowl Commercial & Vainglorious White People

Further Reading

How to Get Away with Stuff #3 – Passing a Urine Drug Test

Understanding the Death of Trayvon Martin

Reasons Mormons are Weird: Volume One

Politifact Lies

Politifact Has Decided That A Totally True Thing Is The “Lie Of The Year,” For Some Reason

Politi-f**ked: Why Politifact’s ‘Lie Of The Year’ Is Not Just Wrong, It’s Irresponsible

Legendary Author, Journalist Christopher Hitchens Dies at 62

Marijuana for Children with ADHD?

Daily Show Moment of Zen – Mitt Romney on Music (12/7/2011)

Could Rick Perry’s ‘Strong’ Ad be More Predictable?

Rick Perry promises war on homosexuals and religious freedom

Follow “Everything Wrong with Today's Youth”

Posts tagged ‘society’

Further Reading

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