While my love for writing is profound, I am but a single man, fallible to the distractions of life.

If you, like me, consider everything in life that doesn’t involve writing a distraction, I’d love to have you write for Everything Wrong with Today’s Youth.

I mean, you could choose to be all “unique” and “original” by starting your own blog. And I’d applaud your valiance. But starting a blog from scratch sucks salty sea nuts. You’d be likely to fall into a series of self-loathing ruts in the process. Trust me, and to borrow from the words of Old Saint Farley: I know from experience, dude.

The alternative, of course, is writing for ewwty, where your uniqueness and originality may flourish sans the crushing blow to your ego every time you check your stats.

The cool part is, I’m an easygoing guy. Whether you contribute once a week, once a month, or even less frequently, it doesn’t matter to me. Writing is not something to be forced – especially not the kind of writing I want on this blog.

Think of it in terms of portfolio building. If you want to write for a living, wouldn’t it be dandy to already have written some quality, thought provoking articles published? How else is anyone to ascertain the brilliance of your writing?

But I digress, as per ushe.

If you’re interested in this opportunity, fill out the form below… like way below. You can’t see it yet, because I’m about to make you read a bunch of other junt before you get there.

Once you complete your venture through the following words which you should totally stop skimming over, include a sample or two of your writing abilities in the form I somehow figured out how to put there. You can either simply copy and paste one or more of your samples, or provide links to some of your past work if it’s published elsewhere.

If you don’t have any samples on hand, go ahead and write something – anything – and maybe it’ll be your first post!

If you’re not in the mood at the moment, no worries! Just include an idea or two for an article, or even just a topic you’re passionate about. The first step is possessing the sincere desire to write. The second is working hard as fuck to improve (there’s probably others, too; who knows?)

Be your own advocate. Tell me why you want to write for ewwty, and why you’re right for the job! Especially if you don’t have any actual samples, I’m going to judge your writing abilities on how you sell yourself; if you can do that in written form, it’s clear you’re a talented writer.

Obviously, we’re no BuzzFeed… sooo I can’t pay you – at least not with money.

However we do have over 25,000 Facebook followers, over 400 Twitter followers (literally just started doing the Twitter thing), hundreds of email subscribers, and we’re growing every day.

So while I would love to shell out mad bookoo bucks for your wonderful writing, for the time being you’ll have to settle for the experience you’ll develop, the exposure you’ll receive, and the following you’ll gain as compensation. Poor you. :(

On top of this, I’ll work as directly with you on every aspect of the process as you so desire. I’m no English professor, but I’ve learned from some extremely talented and wise ones (those two or three times I paid attention to them), and can at least point you in the right direction in terms of improving as a writer. So maybe that’s worth something to.

Having said that, I’m sure you’ve noticed we run some ads on ewwty. So there is money being generated from this abominable excuse for a blog. Keep in mind, there are booty-loads of expenses involved in running a blog, so that’s where a lot of that goes.

Having said that, ewwty does manage to more than break even at the end of the year; so yes, there is profit being made as well. But not enough to justify buying anything non blog related with. My primary strategy thus far has been to just get super high, deposit it in a high interest savings account and forget about it until shit gets rough.

Having said all of that junt, if you ball out and write your ass off, yo ass will get paid. Those deets will be worked out when the time comes.

I should add, unlike literally every other blog that accepts submissions, ewwty makes no attempt to claim ownership over the work you submit. That would be absurd.

“Thanks for pouring your soul into this beautiful piece of writing!”
“Oh, BTDubs, THIS SHIT’S ALLL MOTHAFUCKIN’ MINE NOW!! AHAHA, ya ign’nt-ass fool!”

That’s actually one of the things I was legitimately surprised about the whole freelance blogging… industry-land-junt, the more I’ve been around it; all the different sneaky-snake-ass ways the most talented writers of our era get weaseled out of 95% of the profit they generate.

I’m not saying I’m trying to fix all that fuckshit with this blog, or anything. I’m just saying I’m very interested in cultivating a community of young thinkers, writers, journalists and problem solvers who, like me, derive immense joy and satisfaction from putting everything – their thoughts, knowledge, experiences, fears, etc… – out there for the world to consume, and hopefully benefit from.

Oh, and who like to laugh too. If you’re all of those other things but you don’t like to laugh, never mind everything I’ve said up until now. You can just… go… just go away.

Anyway, I should respond within a week or so. It’s just me, James, going through all these submissions. And I’m a college student (in his final semester) so don’t get butthurt if it takes me longer than a week. And don’t be afraid to follow up if I don’t get back after like 14 days! Despite my inability to be punctual, I’m thrilled that after reading this whole thing anyone would actually want to work with me, so don’t be afraid to badger me until I respond.

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