A young man smoking out of a bong

How to Get Away with Stuff #1 – Smoking Weed at Home

It’s a problem every weed smoker faces at some point throughout their life: Smoking weed at home without getting caught. It’s no simple task.

I’ve smoked weed long enough to know how to get away with doing so in just about any situation short of air travel, so I’ve decided to share my tips on successfully getting away with it at home.

Having never been caught smoking weed – by neither law enforcement nor parental authorities – I’d say I’m a reliable authority on the subject of smoking weed at home. It has nothing to do with luck; I’ve never been caught smoking weed because I follow a very rigid set of guidelines whenever I get high which guarantee I won’t be caught.

Also, I’m white. So that helps.

You are very lucky. You are about to read a blog post. The first in a line of a theme of blog posts. Blog posts that will collectively contain every bit of relevant information with regard to getting away with all the fun shit us youngin’s love to do.

If you follow what I say, you will be able to smoke weed at home without getting caught by your parents. Having said that, nothing is foolproof. Don’t be a fool. Don’t take shortcuts.

∴ ∴ ∴

*Update (12/7/2015): As 2016 approaches, I’m stricken with the sudden realization that this article is about to be FIVE FUCKING YEARS OLD! Which I understand is probably not too monumental of an anniversary for you, but for me… it’s a total mind-fuck. Like… you don’t know how ancient that makes me feel.

Anyway, I digress. The reason I’m inserting this little aside right here is because, despite the fact this article has consistently received more traffic than anything I’ve written since, it’s been quite a while since someone has commented on it. I figure it’s a psychological thing… people are just less inclined to comment on old shit. Having said that, and this astounds me, the number of views this article gets has literally increased every single month since it was published.

My point being, I’d love to see some new comments on this article, as I know you little weed smoking hoodlums are reading it. I mean, if you have nothing to say, don’t force it for the sake of my ego; but don’t remain silent just because this shit’s old as balls. I know at least some of you mofos have your own methods for getting away with smoking weed at home – don’t be afraid to share your expertise with your fellow stoner brethren!

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  • Kioko

    I absolutely adore your blog and all of your articles. I feel like I can trust your advice way more than anyone else because you talk like you know what you’re doing and you don’t need to be staunch or “professional” to give yourself more credibility.
    I’m pretty lucky to be gifted with an air cleaner which greatly helps in keeping the smoke smell down and lets me smoke in the comfort of my own room, but I will definitely keep this article in mind for any time I might need it. Keep on being awesome :)

  • ruminance

    So I live in WA, one of the few glorious legal states, but I’m living with my parents this summer. It’s annoying being a legal, free-to-do-what-i-damn-well-please adult and still have to sneak around because I don’t want to deal with the aftermath. Thanks for the tips. Stay lit fam.

  • Operation Mobocracy

    We used bounce tubes in college, circa 1985. It was magic. We called them cannabislytic converters. The actual tube from the bounce box worked best because it was sturdier and didn’t crush as easily as a paper towel tube. We also thought toilet paper tubes were too short, two sheets worked best and in a long tube you had superior airflow vs cramming a short tube. It helped to put a paper clip through the end to keep from blowing the bounce out.

    I always wondered why it worked so well.

  • Zana

    Absolutely love this! I’m 20 and living with my conservative grandparents for the summer so I’m excited to try this and not have to smoke in my car anymore!

  • Becca

    Can you do this with a joint??

  • Frinck Sanda

    Started smoking activily this year, so thanks for the tips, sometimes I just want to get high at midnight since I wake up at 3 am, to study and play guitar it’s a bit complicated since I live with my parents in an apartment

  • Jimmy Johnson

    So you’ve managed to live the life of a deceiver. That’s great training for your future life as a tenant in the big house.

  • Sam

    Bro I got three blunts stuffed in my vents in my room and my parents have caught me about 20 times and I need to smoke one how do I do it

  • Jared dwb

    Fabulous post, my bathroom is in my room and theres no lock on the bathroom door but a lock in my room, so thats good BUT my parents have this loud ass fucking alarm that goes off even if someone just barely touches a window so what should I do for that? just towel my room door and use a fuck load of febreze? also I dont have drier sheets so cant make a sploof :/

  • That Guy

    Great post. As I am a married weed smokers with a less than approving spouse, I find this article useful. Just ordered some of the kick ass smoke eliminator and looking forward to trying it out.

  • Gabby

    THIS IS AMAZING. I’m 16 and my parents are crazy ab me smoking – even tho I have a 4.0 & am in no way a bad kid. Your language used makes me feel like you’re my friend trying to tell me how to smoke for the first time😂😂 anyways love this & am ab to pack a bowl rn😎 Long live the stoners stuck w crazy parents😈

    • HippoCrazy

      Lol, at first I thought that by “4.0” you meant a 4 year-old kid!

  • NoneYour Business

    I think for me, three key factors are at play in my situation. It goes like this: The Face, The Hidden, and The Prestige.

    Elaboration time.

    The Face consists of you giving people an image they like of you. For instance, if you stopped going to church and you smoke, start going to church. If you hung out with friends less before you started smoking, cut back on the hangouts. Its all about giving people right in their face, the image you want them to think you are. Does that make sense? Fake it till you make it. Almost act oblivious. Smile. Don’t freak out. Make it so the closer they dig into you, the farther they become from whats really going on.

    The Hidden is whats behind the face, which means basically, hide your things. Find places people wouldn’t think to look. VHS tapes, coffee container, picture frames, under carpet compartment, in your car, ANYWHERE people you don’t think would agree with the herb, don’t normally traffic. Out of sight, out of mind. (Also, have your room always smell the same. I use essential oils every night and leave my window cracked, and by the time I’m home from work, all you smell is a slight hint of rose.)

    And The Prestige. This means you don’t break face. You act like there is nothing abnormal. You give people 0 reason for doubt and give them targeted suggestions of what to think and how to think about you and your choices. Hell, leave the bible open on your night stand with some highlighters. Leave little hints like this in your environment and in conversation to form the image you want in their mind of you. If you can do these three things, you too can be cool like the author and I, and never be caught. Stay up by the moon my friends. Blaze it.

    • Chance

      I’d rather they think I’m a stoner than religious lol.

  • Jaden

    It’s peek coz my bathroom doesn’t have a window just some small shitty vent

  • joseph simmons

    You are completely on point with this one. I’m 21 and married.. My wife doesn’t care if I smoke but I live in an apt. With a no tolerance law. 👎 but this guide is pretty dope(pun intended) keep it up. Stay high

  • Ggggggrrrrrr

    This is probably way too easy, but since my parents have no idea i smoke i just go in the bathroom with a pipe (often homemade from produce), open a window, take one or two huge hits (taking advantage on my weak ass tolerance) and just sick my head out the window when i blow it out. My family always keeps matches in the bathroom for when someones takes a shit (which i usually do simultaneously), so i cover any possible weed smoke with a ton of match smoke. Either way they would expect it to smell like smoke after i took a shit. The fan in my bathroom is loud as fuck and always covers me although id turn a sink or something on as well if my parents were in the room over. Voila. Easy.

  • MissAnthrope

    My own “ganja ninja” tips after several years of stealth smoking:

    1. Always know the whereabouts and activities of the people you don’t want knowing.

    2. Waterfall and gravity bongs are virtually noiseless. If using a waterfall bong, angle the bottle right so water doesn’t splash. The only sound should be the flick of your lighter.

    3. USE EYE DROPS. If you hate them you’re probably not doing it the easy way. Just hold out your lower eyelid and drop a few into the lid itself. With the lid holding the drop, just let go and blink. Voila, no more holding a bottle above your eye.

    4. Always use mouthwash if you don’t smoke cigarettes and people know it. No point in your breath giving you away after you covered up all the other smells.

    5. Cologne/perfume, always.

    6. Hold in the hit as long as you can. A ghost hit carries the least smell. You’ll get more tar in your lungs, but it’s worth not getting caught.

    For smoking in dorms:

    7. NEVER smoke in your room. If someone so much as catches a whiff of weed coming from your room, congrats, you’re an idiot and you’ve given yourself away. Always smoke in a shower or bath stall and bring a towel and shower caddy to look convincing. Ganja ninjas blend in. Go to a different floor if possible, but not too far. You want a short escape route. If people ask why you use their showers, just say somebody always shits in the stalls on your floor. They’ll take you at your word.

    Wrap up everything you need inside your towel. Don’t hide stuff in the caddy, which anyone can see into. You can also wear a baggy (BAGGY) sweatshirt to hide stuff in so your towel doesn’t look strangely bong shaped. And for the love of all that’s holy, clean up your ashes.

    MOST IMPORTANTLY: only leave the bathroom when everyone else has cleared out. Waiting for your roommate to finish taking a strained dump is better than getting caught. College officials are terrified of lawsuits from students being injured or killed in dorm fires. It’s bad enough in some dorms if they find you lighting candles. They will CRUCIFY you if they catch you smoking weed, call the cops, and possibly kick you out of school.

    Also beware of the caretakers/janitors. Know their cleaning schedules. You can’t trust them not to rat you out either.

    This is how I smoked in college:

    I lived on the 5th floor. When I wanted to get stoned I went down to the 4th, which was reserved for Alpha Omicron Pi members. I could have gone up to the 6th floor but I thought it would be hilarious if the uptight sorority girls freaked out and started accusing each other over the bathroom always smelling like weed. All the girls just assumed I was a fellow “sister” getting ready to hop in the shower.

    There was a separate nook for the bathtub. It was so private it begged to have kids smoking weed in it. I used to wear a huge, baggy ass sweatshirt. It’s actually the one I’m wearing right now. I’d hide a Gatorade bottle waterfall bong up one sleeve and throw all the other crap in my towel. I had to listen to a lot of dumb shower talk about who they’d bang from Twilight before I could escape unseen. But I was never caught.

    That’s all. Good toking to you and stay sharp.

  • GNOD

    Down in Arizona, we’ve been using the waterfall socket piece for years on years. (About 7 years now) I’m glad to see that others have used this method. We have a stoner group called Gato Nation, which consists of around 50 or so people who religiously use the “Gato” or the waterfall gravity bong. We called it a gato because we tend to use Gatorade bottles to fulfill our needs. Speaking of which, I’m about to go satisfy my needs that this article has brought on. Stay safe smokers and don’t get caught! I’m a college student home for spring/Easter, so let’s hope the same for me!

  • KyKy

    I am a 20 year old female in Anchorage Alaska who unfortunately lives in my Fiancee’s parents home right now. Having both his parents and brother (who also smokes weed) in the home can make it a little difficult to get privacy to smoke, inside or outside. So these are a few tips I have found that help as well.

    When smoking from a bong or pipe, once a hit is taken use a quarter to immediately cover the bowl to reduce the likeliness any smoke will seep away from where you want it to go.

    Adding carbon in your homemade sploof also cuts down on the smell greatly, anyone who owns a fish tank with a filter should have a spare one lying around, mine personally has little carbon packets that I add to my filter. I just wrap them up in a few dyer sheets in the middle of the other dyer sheets, it helps ALOT.

    Also if you live in a house like mine, and your bathroom is below your parents bathroom, just don’t even try it, the smell, irregardless of how much you try to cut it down, WILL magically find it’s way upstairs. I don’t know how, but it always does.

    Another tip is incenses. I don’t know if it’s just the hippie vibe flowing through me sometimes, but I ALWAYS use incenses more than candles. It does not fully mask the smell, so you will still need to follow the helpful tips on this article, but I have found the smoke from the incense helps hide any smoke that leaks out, as well as giving a good excuse as to why it might smell a little weird in your room. My excuse is always, “oh i used that weird incense again, sorry I just like the smell of it.”

    But in all honesty, all these tips in this article are amazing! I feel diffidently be looking into making one of those bongs you suggested! Thanks so much!

    • Thanks for the awesome input, KyKy! These are great tips! I literally cannot even believe that I’ve never thought of/heard of the quarter trick, that’s such a good idea! The bit about not smoking in bathrooms below the people you’re trying to hide it from should be a given to anyone with common sense though lol but it’s a good point nonetheless.

      Thanks so much for the comment!

  • victoriaandrea

    Reading this because my idiot roommates decided to reproduce while living with two habitual smokers, and now they wanna bitch about how they can’t stand the smell, but when we first moved in together it was all cool & badass to smoke weed (they aren’t smokers)

    So now at 21 years old I feel like I’m living with my mom and dad again… Smoking my bong sitting on the bathroom toilet.. :( wondering.. Why the fuck am I doing this lmao

  • veronica

    Just saying most of you think you are getting away with it including my sister, but you see the thing is I have known for two years and the only reason I have not told my mom is because she would be legally obligated to tell my dad and then he would use it to get custody of us and I do not want that.

  • Tricia

    Dude this shit helped me so much. My dads not anti-weed but he still doesn’t want it in the house ya know? I’m 17 and about to go to college so this was great for tips in dorms and shit too.

  • Lucy S

    Don’t forget the towel under the door! For extra safety :) I know cause me and my brother always smoke together and the on way I know he’s smoking in the bathroom is by smelling the steam coming from under the door! Smells like weed and strawberries :)

  • Liz

    This is quite amazing. I’m 27 and smoke recreationally. I definitely don’t live at home with the parents and my boyfriend is totally down for me smoking whenever. I’m just tired freezing my ass off outside and miss the days when i would chill on the couch with a water bong. Ahhh, nostalgia. I am sending this to my sister who lives in a non-weed-friendly state…we worry about having the cops called on us by someone in her apartment for smelling weed enhanced dryer sheets. 😂

  • DeeperDish

    I personally just blow the smoke into a wet towel and then, most importantly, vigorously wave the towel in the air. I really don’t get why people think it’s a good idea to put a towel under the door, because a towel under the door is suspicious and doesn’t clean the air.

    Waving a wet towel in the air also lets you smoke for much longer than locking yourself in a steamy bathroom, plus you can watch Netflix.

  • Matt Hockenberry

    First off, great article my man. You have this shit down and your style of writing is hilarious to me, yet keeps with professionalism. Kudos. I’m here at a hotel for V-day and the girl and I are fighting. She’s crazy so I locked myself in the bathroom which has a sprinkler, so I’m thinking I need to find a way to disperse smoke easier. I already had a ghetto sploof (lul) so I googled, “how to disperse smoke in bathroom” lmao, and I stumbled upon this gem of an article, haha. Now I’m sitting here shredded and learned the absorbing trick with fragrances. SCIENCE BITCH.

  • Nate A

    I’m just a kid who wants to smoke weed without their parents knowing. And the Grav idea works fucking wonders. Kinda loud hearing the water pour out but with the shower going and sploof in my hand it really doesn’t matter. After getting caught tons of times… yesterday being a great example. I need a way to smoke in the future and not get caught AT ALL. My mom hates smoking and my dad goes on about how if he can’t do it than I can’t either. Anyway, definitely following this routine. Thanks man!

  • Khaleeb

    Great post. I’m reading this as a 20 year old living alone in an apartment. So as I got back from work and was about to enjoy a relaxing evening with my new pipe. I met the very nice police officer who just moved in next door, and a stones throw away from my back porch. He probably wont care but better safe than sorry right. Plus I would feel bad stinking up his patio with my nasty habits.

    • Nick

      I’m in the same situation and if theres one thing iv learned is; it really doesnt get out of your apartment lol. I had a bunch of buddys fuck my apartment up and it reeked of pot all i did was open a window and smell is just kinda gone and iv had the cop talk to me but never raise shit about it off duty police officers normally don’t care specially when they are at home so smoke on dude what are they gunna do bust down your door

  • john

    one of the best air fresheners that i know of is scent bomb. It’s a concentrated bottle that they sell at convenience stores and it’s designed to get stale cigarette smell out of your car upholstery.

  • Trauma_llama

    Thank you, from the bottom of my stoned to the bone heart. I am snowed in at my parents house and probably will be here several days. After proving the true lengths the human spirit will go to attain pleasure, I waded through hip deep snow, dug my buried car out enough I could get one door open and got my stash. Then I stepped the wrong way and fell into the neighbors yard, and unceremoniously had a tree Avalanche all over me. With my prize encapsulated in my jack I took a moment to question my prize but decided that not being high at my parents for potentially a week was a fate too horrible to bear and soldiered on. Once in side I faced the reality of my predicament and realized I had no where to smoke. My mother is a retired police officer and my older uncle who lives with them is too. At first I became despondent, fearing all was lost, but then I found this article, and it really worked(well they haven’t said anything). My biggest issue was trying not to cough myself to death because I ALWAYS cough no matter what. 10/10 solid advice.

  • Cait

    As a high school senior snowed into my apartment with my mom, this was a life savior. Bless you🙏🏼

  • Nicthalon

    Nice article. I’m not trying to hide my use, as the other house occupant knows I smoke and I’m a legal medical card holder. (Yay!) But I’m definitely tired of freezing my ass off smoking in the garage in a Michigan winter and don’t want to smell up the house out of simple respect. Going to check your other blog entries, now.

    • Haha! When I wrote this, I didn’t quite image it’d ever wind up being of any use to someone in a medicinal marijuana state haha good shit.

      Thanks a bunch for reading! :)

      • Nicthalon

        While I smoked a few times as a teen, I only got medical about a year ago and I’m 40, so I still have a LOT to learn, lol.

  • Maria

    So I smoke weed regularly usually just for fun and shit, usually at like a park or I stay over at a friends house (I’ve never smoked at my house) but tomorrow is the my first day back to school after winter break and I know I’m not gonna go to sleep at the time I should have so I’m getting a g and smoking it because the only thing that makes me more tired than school is pot, but like I said I’ve always smoked at a friends house and never smoked in my house in fear of my parents catching me so this article was very well-needed, thanks man!

  • SuMtOnE

    I’m new here and found this website by luck as I was doing a quick google as to not get caught. I’m married and need to hide smoking weed from my wife. Lol :(

  • Jessicake

    CANDLES!!! Always burn candles while smoking! I mean don’t carry around huge candles while trying to be sneaky. But u can get tiny candles from bath n body works 3 for 10 or sum n they’re super strong (depending on which one exactly). I got a lock on my door luckily, and it’s not my parents, it’s random people living above me and I’d rather not get kicked out ahha. So what I do I get three candles going (mine are the jumbo ones of course) then use a pipe with just enough in the bowl to where I can fully clear the hit, blow in the spoolf and as I’m doing that I’m spraying febreze. Works wonders people! Also side note, if you can let the candles burn as long as possible they’ll continue releasing sent.

  • ZuQu

    I appreciate a good Potter reference while dabbing into the dark arts

  • Kelly K

    I’m reading this in the guest bathroom at my parents house chuckling. Stoned as fuuuuuuuck. They’re all great tips. I’m 30, female, white, and work a very white collar IT job. My parents are still together and in their mid-60s. (Don’t think I don’t recognize, and exploit every single advantage life has handed to me. I am the definition of white priviledge, but I do my best to leave a positive impact on this earth, and generally not to be a dick or ignorant. Gratitude, and using one’s powers for good is key.). I also never get caught and I was struck by your confidence. Both in the OP and the retrospection edit. Either way, thanks for writing it. Hope you had a nice holiday and a happy new year :)

  • Kerry

    Thanks for the article. I’ve already “open in new tab”-ed a whole slew of your other articles, so thanks in advance for those too. I wait til my parents are asleep, stuff a towel under the door, get under a towel tent (wear a towel on head like kid pretending to be a ghost), and hope that no one asks what the smell is in the morning. I’m 30, so it’s not so much that I’d be in trouble, I’d just prefer to not have the awkward conversation. So, your method will surely be a nice replacement for my ridiculous towel tent. I would have never commented, had you not posted a PSA encouraging comments despite the posts’ age. So, thanks for that too. Or you’re welcome. :)

    • Haha, I’m glad I was able to provide a better solution than your towel tent – although I do find the image of you doing that quite hilarious. :P

      I’m almost 26 now, so I feel you, I’ve definitely become lax in employing my own techniques as I get older. Hiding the smell is more about the convenience of avoiding those awkward moments than it is avoiding actual trouble lol.

    • Egghead Einstein

      I’m 46 and stuck in a small hotel for the moment – the first time I’ve ever had to worry about the smell in my life! The owner smelled me smoking yesterday and freaked out. The tent-on-my-head idea is a great idea! I can’t blow it outside because that’s how he smelled it last time. The room is tiny. There is no bathroom exhaust. He told me next time $10 charge per smoking incident so I have no choice.. I will try the ghost-tent now.

      Wait a sec.. can’t i blow the smoke into a garbage bag and then just shut it right and leave in a few days with all my smoke packed up nice and tight?

  • Oh shit jerry garcia himself just commented on my shit. :P

    First of all, props for assembling a vape out of a light bulb. I assume, since you said you were baked, that it works well. We definitely need to get instructions up on how to make one. Considering you said it got you baked, I assume you’re better at making them than I am lol. If you submitted your own walkthrough, with pictures, I will love you forever. :P If not, I’ll just do it myself, but seeing as how I’m trying to get more contributions from my readers (and my laziness), I’d love to have you do it. Just throwing that out there. :)

    Anyway, solid technique in terms of blowing the smoke directly toward the bathroom ventilation fan; I’m actually going to edit the post to mention this. A lot of people think blowing smoke in those things just spreads the smell of smoke throughout other areas of the house, but this is an incorrect (and kind of stupid) assertion. The whole point of bathroom ventilation fans is to remove the smell left behind after someone shits, so unless your house is horribly designed, anything sucked up by the ventilation fan is blown outside the house.

    However, ventilation fans aren’t enough when, as in your situation, you cant have any smell at all. Just because you can’t smell anything after smoking doesn’t mean it isn’t there; it’s nearly impossible to perceive the smell of weed after smoking yourself. Having said that, vaporizers do leave behind less potent a smell than regular smoking devices; but they definitely still smell.

    So I would just recommend throwing together a homemade sploof as described in this article. Or, of course, you can invest roughly $10 in a smokebuddy. To be extra safe, I would keep a can of Ozium on hand as well.

    Thanks for commenting!

  • Way ahead of you with the Ozium. It happens to be my personal favorite too.

    And good point about Axe or Old Spice; they totally suck balls when it comes to covering the smell of weed smoke (or body odor, for that matter). Body sprays like Axe and Old Spice don’t really cover up the smell, but rather, as is the case with “peach” fragrances, just kind of combine with it.

    Thanks for the input dude!

  • Yep, absolutely, good point. I sort of assumed that was implied, but I should make a clearer statement about blunts and joints. There is definitely no way in hell you can get away with smoking one of them indoors.

    Thanks for the comment! :)

  • NeonGiraffes007

    I sneak around and found that if you smoke late at night (after your parents or nosey siblings pass out) you become golden if you crack a window open. To minimize the smell, take a toilet paper roll and stuff and wrap it up in dryer sheets. Luckily, i’m a girl so my room always smells like perfume so they never question me.

  • Someone you don’t know ;)

    dude I really don’t know you at all but I seriously love you right now! LOL my parents are really sneaky sometimes and most of the time I either go to the roof or don’t smoke at all, but you just saved the rest of my life while living with my parents!

  • Navjot

    This was such a helpful and hilarious article. It’s difficult to find articles where people actually try to help you out rather than just posting stupid articles where mostly copy-paste is being done and leave us bleh about wasting time reading it.
    Good job. Teehee.
    Now am gonna go and take a nice long shower.

  • Jssjankshit

    69/420 would recommend

  • D.Cole98

    i have to say i was genuinely surprised that this worked so well, at the time there were my 2 parents, my 12 year old sibling, and a few other smaller kids around the house, i turned on the shower and radio (to keep the lighter sound hidden) and smoke a few bowls of the loudest bud i’ve ever had, and it worked like a charm. only problem was sneaking the bottle, dryer sheet tube, and bbq lighter out of the bathroom with no suspicion why i was holding my towel so strangly XD

    • D.Cole98

      and i also put the spoof over the lid of the bottle after i took it off so any smoke trailing from the bowl would come through it. thanks for the article, probably saved my life lmao

      • D.Cole98

        i guess i totally jinxed myself.. here we are 2 days later and i got caught twice.. i guess i need a new method cos my mother is a drug dog DX she never even looked for a stash tho, i convinced her i just smoked a roach

        • MaryJane

          i just bought a smoke filter called sploofy its like the newest hype. smoke filters are the safest because they kill the smoke AND the smell from weed. the sploof is only good for the smell but even then you get this warm weird bounce smell. its worth the money especially if youre going through all this trouble to hide it.

  • sploof

    A spoof? We call it a sploof here in Jerz

    • James Kalìwæ

      I’ve heard both used. However, upon further investigation, I think the correct term should be “sploof”, as you suggest.

      Upon searching Urban Dictionary for “spoof”, the first result describes the instrument to which we’re referring. However, the second result defines “spoof” as Australian slang for cum. Whereas “sploof” turns up much more consistent definitions.

      So thanks for the feedback! I’ll update this article accordingly. :)

  • I really like to use an air purifier make for smoke. If you buy a good one, it can capture most of the smoke from marijuana.

    The ones that are good should have activated carbon. Carbon captures smoke better than any other material. There are purifiers, for example on Amazon, that you can get with the carbon. I like to turn on the air purifier an hour or so prior to smoking. This helps clean the air initially and warms the device up. Then, I let it run for a long time afterwards.

    If you are trying to keep it hidden from parents, get a air purifier that is quiet. It will be a bit more expensive but it is so worth it. Good luck to all.

  • josh

    made the gravity waterfall bong out of a dasani waterbottle. filled the bottle 3/4ths of the way, and lit and uncovered the hole. hits excellent for a make-shift. no smell either with the toilet paper roll. this is my new smoking time, easy to get away with from my girlfriend.

  • Caranowildcat

    Take an empty soda bottle (small one) cut out the bottom using an exacto knife or box cutter. Fill it to max compacity with Strong smelling dryer sheets. A couple of table spoons of baking soda and sprinkle inside. Then cover the open end with another dryer sheet using a rubber band to secure it then smoke away.

  • Mitch

    Ok heres a solution to getting stoned in pretty much any room you want (but don’t be an idiot and go in the kitchen or living room) … First off, go to a smoke shop and buy a “smoke buddy”. What that does, when you blow smoke into it, it just makes it disappear. I don’t know how it works, but ai have one and it works perfectly. 20$ and it doesn’t go bad. Get a pipe and only put enough weed in the bowl so that you can completly burn it all in one hit so that no smoke is coming from the weed when you’re finished torching it. Then blow the smoke out of your lungs directly in the smoke buddy. Absolutely no smoke will come out at all. If you happen to mess up and let a little out, just spray some body spray and open a window, turn the fan on and you’re good to go.

  • Jay

    When I am smoking in my room, either a pipe or bong I always use dryer sheets to exhale through so it covers the scent! It does a decent job. But I also smoke when everyone is asleep, My room is in the basement so nobody comes down there cause its scary at night XD. Have a shower when your done, and change into new clothes! I haven’t gotten caught yet… 3 years of smoking in my house lol! But expirement what works best for you in your destination of smoking, its all different and in some cases very easy to get caught!

  • Dean

    Hi, this is in effective way to smoke weed in your bathroom. But I used this method for about 5 months and in the end I got caught. If you use this method put a towel under the door and “never” ever take shortcuts as I did. Towards the end of the 5 months I got sloppy.Never smoke out of a rello always use a bowl never use paper if your not trying to get caught because the smell lingers longer. Light a candle, turn on the fan, open a window (unfortunately for me their is no window in my bathroom) but take any precautions to hide the smell. But any suggestions to where I should smoke now?

    • Jack

      Smoke in your room. The bathroom works and is perfect because you need long periods of not-sketchy time alone, and the added bonus of a shower and a built in fan which after a full length shower almost never fail to eliminate the odor. My mom has caught me countless times with pot, high, whatever but never has caught me smoking in the house. Rules for smoking in your room: 1. VISINE I smoke everyday but for some reason my eyes still get redder than the devils dick every time, so if yours do too and you’re not for instance, going straight to bed or everybody else is already asleep, you will need them. 2. Blow it out the window – every time. 3. If you’re smoking a blunt or j it’s gonna smell 5x more than really anything else, you NEED time to air out. If I’m smoking j’s or a blunt (which I’ve only dared to once) in my room, I let it air out overnight with the window open and the fan on (fan not necessary overnight – the window will work on it’s own but a fan always helps) then I’m golden by morning. Good idea to stick to bowls bongs, or if you don’t have any glass any home made shit will smell a little more than glass but nowhere near as bad as rolling something up.

      The bottom line is weed smell and smoke dissipates at a fairly quick rate. You need to get an idea of your room, and in a certain situation how long you’ll need to air out (ex. wood floors dont hold smell like carpet does). Once you have that chunk of time that nobody will be in your room, just smoke your bowl or whatever real quick throw some visine in, open your window shut your door and you’re golden. I usually go straight to check in on whoever’s in the house after I smoke because the best way to act inconspicuously is to be hella conspicuous. Seriously – you can speed down the street and nobody will notice if you smile and wave at the neighbors.

  • Sam

    It’s a fantastic blog really and I’m not dissing it. However, finding myself in your position of not ever being caught; I would like to mention that this blog was really too over-cumbersome for what it really needed to be for this topic. This is what works for me without fail every time.

    You see, the reason you get caught is because the “authorities” can smell it everywhere – most times – after you smoke it right?. This is because the wind outside is more than likely catching the smoke and pushing it alongside the house until it re-enters another open window/door/crevasse, permeating your house with marijuana smoke (or smoke that has been “masked” which I would say is risky too) .

    So because wind direction can vary, you’d be an idiot to smoke it in the same spot every time because eventually, (more often than not) the wind will push that smoke right back through the house for everyone to cop wind of. You can try and mask the smell as above but if you’re like me and thinks this is too much effort and still risky, then simply check the Doppler wind radar to check the direction of wind flow, google map your address to gain an orientation of true-north, figure out which way the wind is blowing exactly, and simply head to whichever side of the house (outside) that will carry the smoke away from the house – easy.

  • Lily

    I’m a new smoker, I’ve only smoked a couple times always with friends and in a car with windows down in discreet area or just outside where no one can see. But I’ve gotten to the point I want some for myself in my room just to chill by myself at night. I’m 16, a girl btw. My biggest problem was thinking of places to hide my stuff, aka weed lighter pipe ect. Any tips?

    And I like the toilet roll spoof idea with air wick to mask.

    • kayla

      im 17 and a girl as well. Keep more than one hiding spot in mind at all times. If you noticed your closet has been re-arranged by a suspicious mom, move your shit, but don’t yell at her for invading your privacy, it will give her more reason to keep searching. If you have a cat or dog keep your stuff out of their line of scent, I know this from past mistakes. I too, have never been caught. I wouldn’t put it in a shoe or wrap it in an old t-shirt either. I keep mine in an old clutch hidden behind my sneakers and winter boots. Whatever you hide it in, make sure the item is NOT something that mom or your nosy sister will want to borrow without asking. Depending on if you read a lot, you could cut out pages of an old hardcover book and use that. I know its a little old-school spy-ish but it works. Same for an outlet. If you have an electrical outlet behind your bed (that no one would use) you can unscrew the plate that covers it, and push the wires and shit out of the way. This becomes problematic with fire hazards. lol. So thats usually not the best option. Hope this helps.

      • Eric

        If you want to to find the perfect place to hide your stash, just hide it in your gun. Many rifles have hollow pistol grips or a spot in the stock to stash a cleaning kit. Just keep a small stash and pipe in there. I can guarantee your mother won’t want to borrow your assault rifle at 2 in the morning. If by some chance she does, I can almost promise you she will not be in a frame of mind to smell the weed, and will far more likely have more pressing issues to deal with. You can also take the floorplate out of mags, and hide them in there.

    • DreamerV410

      Hey, I’m a girl, too and I’ve found that good way of hiding your stuff is in a box of tampons. If you’re the only female in your house, even better. Get creative with how you use the box. Create a false top or just stick your stuff right under all the tampons. A box of pads does the trick as well.

    • Hi Lily,
      First of all, besides joints and blunts, a pipe is the worst thing to use for smoking discreetly, you will need a bong, or you can make one. They are super easy to make. Then wait for your parents to fall asleep, open your window. Then when you light the bowl of the bong, put a quarter on top to stop it from burning, thus making even more unnecessary odor. Then inhale and blow through a spoof (btw this guy spelled it wrong a spoof is something completely different lol). As long as you have the window open, due to the pressure difference, all the smoke and some left over odor will go out of the window. DO NOT USE ANY SPRAYS. Any parent would get suspicious if there child was spraying axe, febreeze, etc. in the middle of the night. The smell will go away in 5 minutes so you don’t have to worry.

    • Dj

      If you know your parents sleep for long periods of time, you can blaze with a fan pointing out a window, and using some air wick.

  • Mom

    I hope you all get schizophrenia and end up in straight jackets.

    • joe

      That’s real nice. People that don’t smoke weed sound like real assholes a lot of the time.

    • Dad

      Calm down honey.

  • Gustav

    As a massive pothead who has smoked probably thousands of times at home, it’s funny to see how many of these things I do myself ahah..smoking in your room is easy too, just set boundaries and let your
    Parents know they can’t just barge in.. I have been caught multiple times but never in the act of smoking.
    I just open both my windows, create a cell of moving air by placing my fan in one of the windows, towel the door and use the spoof.. The key is to keep the door closed and not tooce around too much, Allow the cell of air to suck out all the smoky air and make your room smell like the outdoors.. This way your room
    doesn’t suspiciously reek of airfreshners at 2am when ur higher than a motherfuka

    • Gustav

      **the key is to keep the door closed and not move around too much

  • Shane Farmer

    Good tips! I should have used them yesterday though, because I got some G13 Haze and White Widow the other day, and it smells like straight skunk throughout the room, very strong. My mom went out, I took a few hits out of my one hitter and she came home, and complained about the smell as soon as she walked in, beat on my door and was PISSED, she searched my room, found my stash, and I haven’t talked to her since yesterday, haha. I still have some, she took away some because I was gonna save a little bit so I put it in a pill bottle and she found that and my pipe, which I loved dearly :'(.. Don’t smoke skunk weed at home.. It is never a good idea.

    • rue

      inscense is da best get some i never get caught!

  • lucky ass person

    I guess I am one of those lucky ass fucks cause I been smoking weed since I was 12 and growing it too and my parents were all cool and all glad you shared it with us hell mom showed me how to grow good pot with hydroponics indoors as well as how not to crossbreed em… lol go figure.

  • mom

    I’m a Mom. Why don’t people just grow up and get a real life….make something of yourselves? Quit wasting your time and bran cells, people! You can have a better life. You can’t do this stupid stuff forever.

    • ThoseWhoStayUofM

      Well mom,

      If people such as yourself were a little more open-minded regarding this subject, then maybe these people wouldn’t feel the need to hide it from you when they are high. Maybe they could have a real life if you would just not judge them for including marijuana in it. To tell another to “make something of one’s self” is an arrogant hypocrisy. You are a speck, living on a slightly bigger speck, are you not? I know I can have a better life. Marijuana makes it better. Here, try some!

  • Tyler

    One of my first times smoking was in my bathroom. Sketchy. But never have been caught.

  • Micheal

    It’s crazy lol I follow this almost completely except if you have an exhaust fan in your bathroom you can just stand on the toilet and hold the piece up by it if its trailing smoke and exhale into it and no smoke escapes

  • Flock

    If you get a portable vape like a launch box you can get ripped in the bathroom and not even worry about smell…I had a vapor bros and used it in my garage all the time with no ventilation and nobody suspected anything. It was sick but I forgot to hide it one time after getting extremely high so it got confiscated by my parents and I’m in deep shit right now. Bottom line though vapes if used properly smell really similar to popcorn and for only like 20 minutes so if you are up late by yourself you don’t even have to worry about the smell. Just throw some Oroville Redenbachers in the nuker and get lifted. That way you have a delicious treat to inhale after your body is pumped full of thc. And don’t believe people who say vapes don’t get you as high and blah blah blah. I tripped balls using my vapor bros and a comically small amount of weed. I don’t have a crazy tolerance I smoke like once a day but with that thing like .2 just gets you so freaking high and your lungs feel nice and pink and clean inside.

    • drew

      dude you are awesome cause i had to move back in with my parents for a little bit to save money and i smoke a lot so this will really help

  • Wguy

    Don’t forget you can make a traditional grav out of a smaller bottle (plastic water bottle) and plunge it in the BACK of a toilet. Don’t forget the back of a toilet is the clean water tank, and it’s conveniently in the bathroom!

  • Matthew F.

    Hey James..what could I use besides dryer sheets in the spoof?

    • tanman

      Use a sock and spray a shit load of whatever spray you got on that bitch.

  • pothead111

    my mom doesnt have dryer sheets she uses a bar now and she caught me smoking out my window how do i smoke without smell all i have are joints bc shetook all my bongs and bowls please help!

  • Bridget

    How do you go to school with a bowl without it smelling?

    • I mean shit, you talking about high school? That’s some ballsy shit, I’d recommend not bringing it so school, but if you’re going to anyway, you’ll need two ziplock bags (one bigger than the other) and some dryer sheets. Put the bowl in the smaller ziplock bag, and put like 10-15 dryer sheets in the bigger one. Store the bag with the bowl in the bag with the dryer sheets and there’s no way the smell will escape.

      If you’re planning on smoking at school as well, you might as well throw the inner piece of a toilette paper roll in there as well. That way when you use it you can just take a few of the dryer sheets and make a quick spoof.

    • Layla

      this is gonna help me so much. i just recently started smoking in my room out my window without a care in the world because my mom would never expect me to smoke, but i got caught and now im too paranoid to enjoy smoking in my room. Im confused with making the gravity bong though, but ill get a friend to help me out. thank you dearly! :)

  • Here’s my bathroom method. The materials was my glass bong, weed, sploof, cheap gas station spray, portable fan and that switch next to the light switch that seems to absorb any odor in the bathroom. Turn the shower on, throw towels and my clothes under the door. Then I turned that switch on along with my fan. Packed my bong bowl, sat on the toilet and toked. Can’t torch it but make sure to suck until the fire goes out in the bowl. Clear it and exhale through the sploof in the direction of the fan that pointed towards the vent. Repeat until you get high. Put your shit away, spray once (those gas station sprays may seem cheap but they are truly effective) into the fan so it distributes. Take a shit. Take a shower. Then shave, brush teeth or whatever to let the vent absorb as much of whatever odor is left as it can before opening the door and turning everything off. Never got caught once and I shared a bathroom with my nosy ass little sister who sometimes when in the bathroom right after me. I’m so scared for college though. Even after reading your article lol

    • Marcelo

      Yes, the spoof does work, it’s all I use now. I recommend using the longer spoofs you can take from the paper towel rolls… The key is to pack a bowl good enough to where you don’t allow any smoke to trail, and that is all controlled by lung power. The towel under the door does work, but if you live in a house like I do that has central air, then smoking has to be very precise and timing has to be selective. One key element that I do add is to have a stand up electric fan, I place 2 sheets of fabric softener directly on the back part of the fan and the fragrance will flow into the fan covering the room better than that Febreeze spray, I think. But like most said already, use the spoof with a lot of fabric softener sheets and blow the smoke out the window, or smoke outside or in the car.

  • Amber

    What if my bathroom doesn’t have a window?

    • guy

      light a candle use the flame from it

      • rose

        Hemp wicks safe lives!

        • Pretty_Wreck

          I’d highly recommend a smoke buddy if you are willing to spend the worthwhile $15 on it.
          It has 3 filters and no smoke comes out the other end.

          • budblogs

            Blunt Magic – it’s new. All natural blunt spray safe enough to drink or smoke. Rather than spraying after you smoke, you spray on your product, wait for it to dry, then smoke it with no smoke smell left in the room, your car, or your clothes. Essentially undetectable. People use it to smoke in public all the time.

    • randy

      blow the smoke directly into the bathroom vent fan on the celling if you cant reach it blow through a long cardboard tube from a paper towel roll into the fan so all the smoke goes into the fan aslo turn the shower on as hot as it goes and the steem will help with the smell and spray some shit and drank something so your breath wont smell, stay in there for about 10 to 15 min after smoking or just take a shower

      • scrilla

        Right on. These are exactly what I do too. The sploof made with dryer sheets are pretty effective in masking the smell, but smoke still does come out from it which can only mean that the smell can still be there. I recommend using a smokebuddy (there are like $15 at amazon). These grenade looking things works just like a sploof except that it also counters the smoke so it smoke doesn’t come out the other end in your exhale (I think they use some sort of carbon filters). They last for at least 2 months (smoking maybe 5-8 times a week) or couple thousand hits, but these guys are the real deal in the art of ninja smoking.

  • Gaby

    Ive been smoking for a while now and sadly i have been caught up by mom like 3 times sucks ass but i dont care. I use to toke in my room before going to bed because you know marijuana is the perfect sleeping aid <3 anyways it wasnt that hard for me to smoke in my room because i would just open the window and put a towel under the door, light a candle or spray febreeze after. the only reason one of the times i got caught was because the stupid lighter made that noise it makes when you spark it and i guess my mom heard it and now assumes i smoke crack, stupid right? Ive stopped smoking inside the house and now only do it when my parents are out. I just go to the back yard or porch and smoke and enjoy life :)) but yeah if only there was a way to shut the lighter up! Haha i would try matches but it smells too much like smoke afterwards. Any advice on how to spark up silently?

    • guy

      light a candle

      • mark

        I usually don’t comment on stuff like this but I had to because I do the same exct thing, every fuckin step. And th gravity bong everyone gets you high af with lil weed at all!

    • Big G 5

      When you light the lighter, let out a fake sneeze or cough ;)

      • Anna

        i always smoke I’m my shower, with the fan on. But my fan is in the shower, also having the window open and fan on during and a bit after also helps a lot.
        Incense also make a great coverup, some smell really strongly, and it make sense if somebody thinks it smells like something burning. My mother is a bloodhound and so far this has worked great. nock on wood.

  • tad

    I have always smoked in the bathroom using a joint and what i do is i exhale the smoke out thru da window and use a room freshner. Also i wet some towels and spray them with deodorants and keep them in the bathroom. Its an excellent way of masking any remaining weedy odour. For red eyes i use an eyedrop(ranbaxy i-cul).

  • marcos reyes

    what if i was going to take my items to go like a smelly pipe and i my mom is taking me to a friends house and i am taking my herbs and pipe how would i hide the smell. thank you

    • Josh

      Bring clothes and put your shit in the bag between your clothes

  • keegz

    how many times can you reuse a spoof, if any?

    • Good question. Dryer sheets are quite pungent, so they can be reused a good number of times. After a few uses, if you look into the spoof at the dryer sheets, you’ll see a stain begin to build up on them where the smoke filters through. This is a good way to know when to make a new one – when the dryer sheets become totally discolored you should definitely make a new one. I’d say the typical spoof can hold up to anywhere between roughly 25-50 uses.

      Here’s another tip: try smoking where you normally do using the spoof. Afterward, leave the room for about a minute and return – this should allow you to gauge how well the spoof is working.

  • haha damn… it seems so risky! but i am a paranoid bastard. cheers for the tips :) might put ’em to use someday, if i grow the necessary balls.

    • Paranoia is natural – without it I never would’ve thought of all these things!

      Thanks for the comment, its been quite some time since I wrote this. It’s always nice to see how much shittier of a writer I was back then. :P

  • Chase

    I used to smoke in my bathroom. Untill I found a different way. What I do:
    Load a bowl at night after my brothers and mom have gone to bed. I sit in the bathroom while loading, just in case my mom has to get up and tell me something in the middle of the night (crazy, but it’s actually happened to me once. Lucky for me, it was almost mother’s day, so I quickly slipped it under the covers and told her I was working on her present so she can’t see it (I really do make/buy her presents)), so I can just sit in the bathroom with the door locked and load it with care untill it’s done. Then, when my mom goes to work and my brothers to school and daycare, I go sit out on my porch (front or back, depending on whatever), and toke up freely. No extra effort or crazy febreeze shit that’ll make me smell like febreeze for the rest of the day (paranoia).

    • Chase

      Also, check out my channel on youtube. I have a playlist for (almost) every drug. And they’re getting new songs added all the time.

  • michelle

    i use to smoke in my bathroom with my bowl all the time right before i showered and i would spray so much febreeze haha. i have to say that it definitely works.

  • Jim

    Dude, this is the funniest post I have seen in a long time! Now I can try to catch my sneaky 13 yr old smokin dope in the house. I know that little fucker is up to it, just haven’t found out how yet. I’m now all over it!!

    Parties over son.

    • Oh no! My writing is being used for evil purposes. :P Syke, if he’s only 13, it shouldn’t be that hard to catch him anyway lol.

    • mohamed

      i’am a big time pothead.. my aunt caught me smoking so i have to be a bit more spy like and this helped a lot… i was smoking in my room and it was stating to smell like a bud plant

    • none

      wow that wont do anything just leave him alone and let him be a kid you only live once

      • Jack Jay

        Agreed, personally I think that teenagers (13-16 whatever) smoking weed is completely fine, as long as it does not affect their educational side. That’s when it becomes a real problem. Let the kid do what we all have done and ended fine of.

        • Ethan

          I completely agree

      • as a pothead my self, im all for ganj. But kids shouldnt be smoking. It fucks with there growth development. He should wait untul hes fully developed 18-19 years.old. and then dwcise if its fkr him or not

        • Rick tomson

          Weed is completely safe and does NOT fuck with your growth, I’m totally fine from smoking as a teen

    • MrMyiagi

      “I know that little fucker is up to it” almost made me shit my pants hahaha

    • rachericee

      hahahhaaha idk why but this made me laugh so much, come on man, weed ain’t that bad

    • nathan cole

      Fuck you its people like you who hate on marijunna if u catch your kid he will just start being a dick and smoke more. If it is your house he has no right to be smoking but if he wants to smoke let him go outside and do it

    • frank ford

      just let him toke it up brother

  • wow .You are about 25 years too late for me kiddo. but a gr8 read.I( dont have to hide the fact that “a fragrant breeze blows through the air from time to time)

  • stodmor

    my children will not be reading this…..i however will, while taking notes.

    • Hahaha! That’s what parental controls are for, I suppose. I’m glad you liked it, I love parents who smoke. :P

  • INGENIOUS! As somebody who * knock on wood * doesn’t get caught either, I didn’t expect this to provide me with any new information, but I honest to God * never thought to smoke in the bathroom. * My roommate does it in college all the time, but I never thought to do it at home! Although you forgot to mention laying a damp towel underneath the door, to contain things until you can make sure the smell has dispersed. Well done, sir.

  • First of all, I just have to say gravity bongs and Elana do not mix well.
    And, I love having a shower that has a little window on it, makes smoking oh so easy

    • It seems gravity bongs don’t mix well with girls in general. You’re not the first girl I’ve heard say that lol.

      • nicole

        I disagree I’m a girl and live with 2 other girls and we use the grav every day and only break out the glass if we’re feeling fancy

    • true.windows do help

  • Well, actually, maybe I won’t. I’ll be 70. What a depressing thought.

    • I’m sure you’ll still be alive and kicking long after your 70’s :)

      And my kid’s aren’t going to have a chance in hell when it comes to getting away with anything. You can’t fool the master. :P

  • Yes, you did – and I’m going to check back with you in 15 years when you are a parent.