Now that we’ve secured an in-home location to smoke weed, there are a few things you’ll need. And most likely, they’re at your fingertips. Allow me to go over the items you must procure if you want to guarantee you are not caught smoking weed at home:
- Toilette Paper Roll
- Just the middle part that you usually throw away.
- Dryer Sheets
- Likely in laundry room.
- Air Freshener
- Bold fragrances.
Simple as that.
Stuff 5 or 6 dryer sheets in the toilet paper tube. It’s called a sploof. Exhale the weed smoke through it after you take a hit and it exits smelling of a glorious field of scarlet pimpernel and exquisite calla lily… Or whatever fragrance of dryer sheet your mom buys.
This quick video demonstrates how to easily make a standard sploof:
Note, however, there are other ways to make sploofs as well. Some people like using plastic soda bottles instead of toilette papter tubes by poking holes on the the bottom and stuffing them with dryer sheets.
*Update (7/20/2015): I’ve run into other commercial alternatives over the years, but they tend to be overpriced and wrought with other design issues. The only “professional grade sploof” I like is the Smoke Buddy, which lasts a long time and is very portable. I’ve found it to be more effective than the ghetto-ass toilette paper and dryer sheet combo I relied on throughout college. Nevertheless, it got me through without getting caught once, which is more than I can say for many of my friends.
The air freshener is of primary importance in the instance of an emergency – for instance, when one of your parents decide to knock on the bathroom door directly after you take a thick, milky binger. You always have hope if you have an air freshener. If you find yourself in a worst-case scenario without air freshener, you’re finished. If you find yourself in a worst-case scenario with air freshener, you’re probably still finished, as they’ll probably hear you spraying it. But at least you have hope. In such a situation, you can always say you just took an extra smelly shit and you were trying to cover it up.
(Side tip: actually taking a shit in that situation would be ideal, if you’re lucky enough to have some on-hand… Or, ehh, in-colon. But I digress.)
It is important to note that specific fragrance supersedes brand when it comes to the air freshener’s effectiveness as a weed smoke odor neutralizer. Febreze, Oust, Glade, or Air Wick – doesn’t matter. One benefit of Febreeze Air Effects is that they aren’t as loud when you spray them. But what’s most important is that you get bold and distinctive fragrances that can really just overwhelm the smell of weed smoke.
As an example, I have found that any “peach” fragrance, whether it’s a candle or air freshener, is horrible at covering weed smells. It doesn’t cover the smell of weed smoke at all, it just makes everything smell like peaches and weed. I learned this in college, upon being informed by a friend that the entire hallway outside my dorm room smelled like peachy weed. I’m sure there’s some scientific explanation as to why this is, but fuck if I know.
Update (7/20/15): There are also a number of lesser-known brands of air freshener that are specifically formulated to cover odors from smoke. In my opinion, the Smoke Odor Exterminator brand is the best. It completely overwhelms the smell of smoke without leaving a lingering fragrance for hours.