Now, allow me to go through the steps you must follow at this point.
1. Scope the situation: Check out what Mom and Dad are up to. Are they involved in their own shit?
If so, now is a good time to head to the bathroom. However, if they’ve already been suspicious of you smoking weed at home in the past, and aren’t really doing much at the time, it might be best for you to wait it out.
2. Try to have another purpose for being in the bathroom: Whether you need to shit, shave, or shower, it’s always a good idea, but not necessary, for you to do something you need to do before or after smoking weed. It just gives you an easy alibi.
Additionally, taking a shit while high is the bee’s knees, gives you a reason to open a window, and your parents a reason not to go in the bathroom for a while. They’re not gonna wanna smell check the bathroom if you just shitted in it.
3. Obtain suitable weed smoking apparatus: For the purpose of this specific situation, when containing the smell of weed smoke is incumbent, I recommend a waterfall gravity bong, or “waterfall grav” for short.
“But James,” you’re wondering, “what on Earth is a waterfall gravity bong?”
It’s a convenient, portable, homemade smoking device that is ideal for preventing excess weed smoke from escaping into the air. Oh, and it’ll knock you on you ass (if you make it right).
In order to explain how to create a waterfall gravity bong, I must first explain what a traditional gravity bong is, as a waterfall grav is a design variation of the traditional grav.
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Gravity Bong (a.k.a. “Grav” or “GB”): A device that fills with water and uses the suction that is created when the water is released to act as a makeshift “filter lung” into which the smoke is drawn. Once the chamber is filled with smoke, the user inhales it.
A traditional grav involves (1) a bottomless cylinder with a narrow top, upon which a bowl is fashioned, being placed into (2) a slightly wider topless cylinder filled with water. Weed is packed in the bowl, and as the skinny bottomless cylinder is pulled upwards out of the wider cylinder, it creates airflow through the bowl into the skinnier cylinder. This airflow works to draw smoke into the skinny cylinder when flame is applied to the bowl.
However, a full size grav such as the traditional one I just described are too large and bulky to safely use in a home situation. Which is why you must obtain the items necessary to make a:
Waterfall Grav: Like I said, a variation of a traditional grav; same principle, different execution.
Instead of having two pieces (the skinnier bottomless piece and the wider topless piece) you only have one. For this you can use any 20 Fluid Ounce plastic bottle, such as Mountain Dew or whatever.
Melt a small socket wrench piece into the bottle’s top to work as the bowl, and burn a small hole in the bottom of the bottle. Pack the socket wrench piece with some weed, and put it aside. Place your finger over the hole on the bottom of the bottle and fill with water. Screw the cap with socket wrench piece onto bottle. Release your finger from the hole on the bottom and immediately apply flame to weed. You will be able to see the smoke being pulled into the bottle as the water drains out. Once the water is out, unscrew the cap and breath in the hit.
Update (4/9/2011): Click here for step-by-step instructions on how to make a waterfall grav.
The waterfall grav is the best smoking instrument in this situation because the weed smoke never has a chance to escape into the air. It goes directly into the bottle, directly into your lungs, and then directly through the sploof. Unlike with a bowl, which involves open weed embers in the bowl releasing smoke into the air upon taking a hit, which makes the bathroom smell like weed.
Also, and I don’t mean to be hawking a million products at y’all, but this one’s too good to leave out: if you’re going to be using any sort of a gravity bong on a regular basis, you’d be wise to look into getting yourself an AC Greebs Smoking Steel. It a bowl piece designed to replace the plastic bottle cap, check out my review here.
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4. Transport necessary items to bathroom: Use discretion here.
If you have one of those moms who is constantly checking how clean the bathroom is, or if you have any siblings who might use it at any time, don’t leave your paraphernalia out in the bathroom for long.
Try to have everything – weed, smoking apparatus, lighter, drier sheets, spray – on you when you enter. Remain cognizant of everything I’ve described thus far, and you will be fine.
5. Be high and repeat: You’re all set! Inhale marijuana smoke particulates and enjoy your stonededness.
Have your own sneaky ways to get away with smoking weed at home? Or a story of fucking up and getting caught? Comment below and let me know, I might just edit it into the post!
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