Stoner Essentials #4 - Avoid Getting Caught Smoking Weed

Stoner Essentials #4 – Get Away with Smoking Weed Anywhere

Best Tools for Covering the Smell of Weed

It’s been nearly half a decade since James wrote about Smoking Weed at Home and College without getting caught or smelling up your entire house or dorm. So when he started writing these “Stoner Essentials,” it seemed appropriate to highlight some items that would go along with it.

And by “appropriate,” I mean, “bleedingly obvious.”

Either way, as he mentioned in the first article about smoking inside your house, there are essentially three products every weed smoker needs if they’re going to risk smoking in the same house as their parents or in their college dorm: Air freshener, scented candles, and a sploof.

I’m blessed enough to live in Colorado, which is pretty kick ass for obvious reasons. While I still live with my parents at the ripe young age of 18, I don’t have to worry about legal consequences if I’m caught smoking weed. In Colorado, most people don’t even care about smoking weed in public. It’s the tits.

Unfortunately, however, not everybody is as lucky as us Coloradans; in much of the US, there continues to be a stigma associated with marijuana and those who smoke it.

As a result of nosy neighbors, uptight old people, and Johnny Law’s crusade against decent weed smokin’ folks, it’s often necessary to take precautions to conceal the consumption of Miss Mary Jane. It’s fucking bullshit, of course. But it is what it is, and it’s just what stoners have to live with (for now, at least).

Luckily, there are several inexpensive products you can order straight off Amazon – the best of which I shall regale you with presently.

Full disclosure: ewwty receives a small commission from Amazon.com when our readers purchase any of the products linked to in this article. Between the two of us we have actually used all these brands, so we’re not just randomly picking out the first things we see and plopping them down here. The ones we haven’t used have are included given their stellar reviews… and we’ll probably wind up ordering those as well to try them out anyway, so I’ll keep this review updated.

Best Air Fresheners for Eliminating Weed Smoke

Ozium Air Sanitizer

Ozium Air Sanitizer

Ozium might as well be described as the world’s most powerful air freshener. Forget Febreeze on steroids: this shit can cover the smell of literally anything. Even shit!

When you’re done lighting up, simply spray a can of Ozium in the air for 3-5 seconds, and the pungent odor that accompanies the combustion of everybody’s favorite herb just disappears.

Six Pack of Vanilla Scented Ozium Air Sanitizer

If you like to hotbox your car like me, they also have a non-spray gel version, which is perfect for keeping cars smelling fresh. Though I’d recommend keeping one of the spray bottles handy in your glove compartment as well, just in case.

Dead serious though, Ozium is a lifesaver.

I don’t know how it works. I don’t know why it works. All I know is that it does work.

I’ve sprayed it on my clothes to get the smell off of them. I’ve sprayed it in both my room and my car after smoking sessions. In both situations, it worked fan-fucking-tastically.

Bottle of Ozium Air Sanitizer

It beat the shit out of the lingering weed smell. It pulverized it, took it out behind the woodshed, dunked on its bitch ass in open court, then fucked its mother while it quietly sobbed in the adjacent room.

Yeah, Ozium is a total dick. But he’s your dick.

I’ll admit that’s probably the most hyperbolic air freshener review of all time, but that’s how I feel.

I do want to point out that these Amazon photos probably make the Ozium cans seem bigger. They’re actually quite small, but that’s a good thing as it makes them very easy to carry around and/or hide.

Anyway, here’s a photo I took of mine next to a thing of Zig Zag Wraps (which will no doubt be featured in a future review) so you can get an idea of what you’re actually getting:Ozium Spray with Zig Zag Wraps

Smoke Odor Exterminator

Smoke Odor Exterminator - Rasta Love

The Smoke Odor Exterminator brand of air fresheners is an alternative to Ozium which is less popular, but superior in many ways. I know I just went batshit crazy describing how awesome Ozium is, and it’s certainly worthy of said batshit. But, I mean… Just look at the name of this shit. Smoke Odor EXTERMINATOR!!!

Seriously, this shit like… eats smoke particles. I don’t know how else to describe it. If you do venture to purchase a can, I encourage you to blow a huge hit in the air and spray just a bit of Smoke Odor Exterminator directly into it, and watch how it just overpowers the smoke and totally eliminates the smell.

That’s how I suggest using these sprays, by the way. It’s best, if you’re livelihood depends on keeping the smell of weed from your parents, to use this stuff while you’re smoking, instead of just before or after.

I can recall an instance where I found out my mother was five minutes from home directly after smoking a fat bowl in my room. I was freaking out, but luckily I had some Smoke Odor Exterminator on hand. I sprayed a hefty amount of the stuff in the air in a last ditch effort to save my ass, not expecting it to be effective.

But I was wrong – it knocked out the smell completely, and in less than five minutes time. Even the trained, hyper-observant nose of a mom looking for reasons to get her kid in trouble couldn’t detect anything.

Smoke Odor Exterminator comes is available in over 25 different fragrances. My personal favorite is Clothesline Fresh, but they’ll all get the job done.

Smokebuddy Sploofs

The Smokebuddy

A blue Smokebuddy

 

In James’ earlier articles about getting away with smoking weed at both home, he describes a little apparatus called a “sploof.”

While any self-respecting stoner should know what a sploof is, I’ll go ahead and explain it. It’s a tube through which smoke is blown after taking a hit, which helps to cover up the smokey smell. The Smokebuddy is basically just a professional sploof. It’s great to have on hand in addition to and air freshener like Ozium. Simply exhale the smoke through the Smokebuddy, and it will come out the other end completely odorless.

I can verify how well this nifty little device works. I’ve used one for as long as I remember for smoking in my car and my bedroom. While it won’t completely eliminate the strong odor of marijuana smoke (there’s still the smoke from the bowl, or whatever you’re smoking out of), the smoke you exhale is usually the smelliest. This is definitely an asset that can help a smoker stay under the radar.

While James swears by the old fashioned dryer sheet in a toilette paper tube method, there’s no question the Smokebuddy is far more effective than that shit. When you blow your hit through the Smokebuddy, it’s not just that it comes out of the other side smelling fresh… It’s that it doesn’t come out of the other side at all.

Though the makers [wisely] avoid divulging what’s actually inside the Smokebuddy, I reckon it’s just a simple carbon filter – that’s what I’d use, at least. But who knows, perhaps it’s a dark spirit which feeds of the breath of stoners. That’d be pretty effective, too.

The Smokebuddy doesn’t last forever, mind you. If you’re a heavy smoker and you’re using it to filter every single hit that passes through your lungs, you might want to consider going for the six pack option. The regular sized Smokebuddy will last around two to six months depending on how much you use it. You’ll know it’s time to throw it out when exhaling through it becomes difficult. The Smokebuddy Junior will last about half that time.

One other important thing about the Smokebuddy, which the makers point out on their website, is that you want to leave the top and bottom caps off when you’re not using it. This is because the inside filter area gets moist from your breath after a number of uses, which will cause it to clog up real quick. Keeping it uncovered allows your wet, nasty breath particles to evaporate, leaving the filter clear to fulfill its purpose.

An assortment of SmokeBuddies

Check out all of Smokebuddy’s color options before making a final decision!

Scented Candles Designed to Cover Weed Smells

Cannabis Killer by Beamer Candle Co.

Cannabis Killer by Beamer Candle Co.

Beamer Candle Co. is a little known company based in Detroit, and we at ewwty fuck with their candles.

There was a shit ton of candle brands to consider including in this article, but Beamer Candle Co. emerged the favorite. Not just because they give their candle fragrances the best fucking names, and not just because they have a specific candle deemed the Cannabis Killer, but because they are the best bang for your buck; plenty of companies produce candles formulated for the specific purpose of covering the smell of smoke, but they tend to be expensive as fuck.

Beamer Candle "Blue Motherfucker" Fragrance

But we understand it’s counterproductive for our younger readers who want to hide the smell of weed from their parents to order a candle with the words “Cannabis Killer” and a big ol’ weed leaf plastered on the label. So the good news is Beamer Candle Co. produces a wide array of different fragrances.

While I can’t know for sure, I highly doubt Beamer Candle Co. puts any actual special ingredient in the Cannabis Killer that’s different from their other candles. All their candles are special formulated to cover the smell of any smoke, whether it be tobacco or weed. So rest assured, their other fragrances will be just as effective for covering the smell of weed smoke indoors.

By the way, besides their effectiveness, their candles come with an awesome perk. All their candles come in Mason Jar style glasses (as you can plainly see). These come with the actual lids, so once the candle is all burned away, just wash it out and you have an awesome airtight container for your weed.

Mind blown, right?

Anyway, here’s a showcase of some of their best fragrances other than Cannabis Killer. I recommend the Blue Motherfucker pictured above – somehow it smells exactly how I expected – but I hear Aunt Suzie’s Ol’ Fashioned Blueberry Pie is nice too.

Diversion Storage

51p7CEEipZL

If you’ve ever been to a head-shop, odds are you’ve seen one of these. They’re a great way to secretly stash your weed. The cool thing about Amazon, however, is they have pretty much every manifestation of diversion storage you can imagine.

 

 

31kTaJnK1ILThe soda/tea cans are weighted to feel like they’re full of liquid, and they look almost exactly identical to whichever type of can you decide to choose, from Coca Cola, to WD-40 canisters, to fucking Del Monte Fruit Coctails).

41Ak42tGPmL

With a hidden compartment in the bottom, it’s incredibly easy to hide your weed (or valuables or other drugs) in plain sight. It’s a clever little hiding place that will throw off those who may happen to be snooping around your stuff.

Diversion Pepsi Stash Bottle

 

I’ve personally used these for a couple of years now, and I can honestly say that I’ve never had my stash discovered. Hell, nobody will even look twice at one of these things, they’re so well made.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t include my personal favorite diversion can, which is perfect for storing weed in your car:

51saWmvJYtL

Given it’s size and the fact that any intelligent driver carries some sort of fix-a-flat in their trunk anyway, this one is definitely my favorite for driving with weed.

Be sure to check out the vast array of diversion storage Amazon has to offer.

Honeywell TurboForce Fan

Honeywell TurboForce Fan

This is probably the most tried and true staple of the covering up of weed smoke out of all of these items, and for pretty obvious reasons. Who hasn’t used a fan to make sure all of their smoke gets blown out of the open window?

While both the Smokebuddy and Ozium are pretty goddamn reliable, especially when used in conjunction with each other, it’s always better to err on the side of caution with regards to things of this nature. And besides, if you use all of them at once, there’s no chance in hell you’ll ever get caught.

← Previous Page